Could Noah build his ark today?

If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.

"First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.

"The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.

"Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.

"Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.

"The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.

"And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional.

"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."

Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."

*recieved via email*

Bombers vs Roughriders

WILL BEAT Yup, I called it! Woo Hoo it is official. The Grey Cup will be Winnipeg VS Saskatchewan! From here forward it shall be called "The Banjo Cup Bowl".

GO BOMBERS!!

Warning!! This one is so bad it is funny. Don't say I didn't warn you. Psychic

I am not a believer in séances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear.

I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest...

Wait for it - - - - - -

I was arrested for striking a happy medium...

Insomnia reduces me to a babbling idiot

This is what happens when you have insomnia. You end up looking for really stupid things on YouTube. I must admit, this one had me rolling on the floor. I want these guys to come to my next party.

This video can be offensive so be warned. I will bet you any amount of money that these boys get beat up alot at school. However, all their videos make me laugh.

LEST WE FORGET

It is the VETERAN , not the preacher,

Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN , not the reporter,

Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN , not the poet,

Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN , not the campus organizer,

Who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN , not the lawyer,

Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN , not the politician,

Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the VETERAN ,

Who salutes the Flag,

It is the veteran ,

Who serves under the Flag,

ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.

We can be very proud of our young men and women in the service no matter where they serve.

God Bless them all!!!

Corner Gas.. World's Biggest....

I love Corner Gas. It kills me. This clip is from my all time favorite episode. The Corner Gas website used to sell tshirts saying " World's Biggest Hoe". I am kicking myself I didn't buy one when I first saw them. Enjoy the clip.

Okay gang, Cross your fingers... the boy is going for his brain scan in the morning. I hope he has one.. hee hee

Right now, I am waiting to hear from the hospital. My daughter got hit in the head by a door (I guess it wasn't big enough for her to see). She has a huge bump on her head, she is dizzy, feeling ill, and is a little more out of it than usual. I really hope they don't keep her overnight. However, it would make things easier for me. Spend the night at one hospital and take the tunnels to the other hospital for the boy's brain scan. Convient brain shopping all in one place. Woo Hoo! I will keep you posted.

Well, here I am again. It looks like I won't be posting very much for the next little while. Things have gotten really out of hand here. To save time, I will just hit the highlights

Let's see, I have three papers to write for school. I have completed only one and I am starting to really panic about the other two. I don't have a clue how to even start them. I took my son to the doctor for his headaches and insomnia. He is now scheduled for a brain scan because the doctor can't find anything obviously wrong. No one has actually said the big "C" word, but it is in the back of my mind. I know I shouldn't borrow trouble, but he is my baby and I am worried sick. The doctor also informed me that I have signifigant hearing loss. I am waiting for a hearing test. We will have to wait and see where that leads to. At least now I have proof that I do not have selective hearing.

Since switching schools, my daughter has been much happier. The complete meltdowns she was having had completely disappeared. Until this week. She had one huge one. I am not even sure what brought it on. It just brings back all the horrible feelings of last year. I cannot survive that again. The positive part of it is, it isn't school related this time. I think I have narrowed it down to one boy I look after. He used to be her best friend. Now when he is around, he seems to push her over the edge. He doesn't do it intentionally, it just happens. And not every time either. Ahh the mysteries of the mind of a child.

I can't really put a finger on the one thing that is bothering me so much. It is just alot of little things that are piling up. I am back to feeling like I want to jump out of my skin. I am sitting still, but my insides are running a million miles an hour. I have gone from having insomnia, to sleeping all the time. That makes it a little difficult to get things done. I suppose that is a symptom of depression. I love the doctor's advice. Part of my stress is money worries. Right now, I can't afford the anti anxiety meds. Our insurance ran out, so I have to save the money to get the meds. The doctor wants me to see a therapist. So let me get this straight, I can't afford the meds, I am worried about money, but let's find enough money to spend $75 an hour to tell someone else that. That's practical.

If you have ever experienced depression you will understand. It sort of feels like you are drowning on dry land.

I will try to post something upbeat soon. But if I have disappeared for a little while, you know where I am..... the psych ward. Take care all.

Okay, parenting this day and age is getting harder and harder. When we were kids our main worries were bullies, strangers in cars, and pimples. Today there was a threat written on the bathroom wall of my son's school. It happened too late in the day for parents to be sent a letter. Instead they posted a letter on their webpage and notified the media.

I realize that the threat is probably not a real threat but still. The big question is do you send your kid to school or not. On one hand, I realize that the threat was more than likely made to get the kids out of class. On the other hand, what if...

On the one hand, if I keep him home from school, it will count toward his class absences. On the other hand, how much learning will actually occur?

The notice said all the doors will be locked and there will be a strong police prescence. Do I really want to send my son into that enviroment?

My little girl is terrified something will happen to her brother. No matter what I say, I can't convince her that he will be safe. I am comtemplating keeping him home just to reassure her.

What happened to the good old days. Where you had to worry about your kids smoking, or skipping classses and that was about it. You never had to worry they will get themselves killed.

FUCK YOU! FRIDAY (ONLY IT'S THURSDAY)

I wasn't sure if I would have time to make a post on friday, so instead of depriving you of a Friday post, I have made one early. Have a great weekend!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Here in the Great White North, it is Thanksgiving. Today I give thanks for all my friends and family. Including all my blogger friends.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY! May you all have something to be thankful for. Here, I will share some turkey with you.

SMILE OF THE DAY

Gotta love his honesty! Finally, a pool I can afford.

Now that you have smiled, have a great day!

One Smart Cookie

One day I hope to be as smart as this old lady

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.

Finally he went to the check-out line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."

"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. So, when the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the check-out counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

The clerk replied, "Your mother said that you would pay for her."

Rest in Peace

It has been one year since Giselle left us. I had wanted to get another tattoo in memory of her but I just couldn't swing it. I hope she is at peace. She has left this earth, but she will never leave our hearts.

REST IN PEACE MY FRIEND

Fuck you! Fridays

AAARRRGGGGG!!!

I thought this week would never end. It has been the week from hell. I already vented about Monday. Let me tell you. It didn't get better.

Come with me as we enter the week from hell. For starters, I am still recovering from my near death yesterday. The city is full of construction right now. Every major route in the city has some form of construction. It has made for a travelling nightmare. Yesterday I was travelling back from my Chiro appointment. It is on the other side of the city from me. ( I really should find something closer) I was toodling along in my lane. The lane WITHOUT the construction. When out of the blue, the car beside me thought it would be a good idea to take over my lane. That would be fine except I was beside him at the time. Not ahead, so I could see a signal that he wanted in. Not Behind where he could squeeze in. Nope right beside me. He figured that his lane ended so he should automatically get mine. Hello! Driving here! We were travelling around 80km at the time. When I realized what he was doing, I hit the brakes mighty quick. The car behind me must have seen what was happening because when I stopped, he was stopped a good two car lengths behind me. When we stopped, you could not have put a piece of paper between us. He starts flapping his arms at me. Hello! I was minding my own business in my own lane. Sheesh. It scared me so bad, my knees shook the rest of the way home.

Today was not a wonderful day either. I started my day off with my daughter yelling from her bed she needed help. She was so ill, she couldn't move. She had a major asthma attack on Tuesday. I thought it was better. I kept her home on Wednesday. This morning she came down with the flu. Oh joy. My other daughter is very shy. She did not want to take a taxi by herself to school. I was leary about sending her on the city bus alone too. I asked my husband to drop her off at school. He refused because he had to be at his parents for 7 to help them move. I thought they might understand but nope. My friend was deathly ill yesterday so I didn't want to ask her and my other friends were already at work. So I kept both girls home in the morning. I couldn't drive them because I was looking after too many kids to fit in the car. Since I was at home, I thought I would really clean my room. We have a wasp nest outside of our back door. Lately, they have been getting into my bedroom. I can't figure out how. My husband is deathly allergic to wasp stings so that could be a big problem. The cat was chasing one of these wasps and got tangled up in my curtains. My curtain rod is now in the shape of a U. I knew I had another one somewhere. I eventually found it. While I was at it, I thought it would be a good idea to wash the curtains. Then I thought about caulking around the window to stop the wasps. Except I also couldn't find the caulking gun. AAARrRRRgggg. I was able to borrow one. When I went to hang the new rod, the old hooks didn't fit the new rod. Then the drill was dead. It took me all day to do this little thing. I still haven't had time for a shower. Then I got a call from my friend's son. He was home sick and his mom was chaperoning a field trip. His other sister got sick and needed to be picked up from school. So I loaded my sick child and the three year old into the car and off we went. I just couldn't get anything done. While in the car I was complaining that my sunglasses were dirty. When I took them off to clean them, the lens fell out.

I was exhausted and grumpy at this point. I did not feel like cooking so I ordered a pizza. They told me to pick it up in 30 minutes. Yeah, try an hour. We sat there for 30 minutes waiting. At this point, my son announced that his cell phone had been cut off. I know the bill payment was made, because I dropped it off myself. However, knowing this company it didn't surprise me. They waited over a month to cash my last cheque. However, they didn't cut him off until 6. On a Friday. Yeah good luck getting that fixed anytime soon.

Just to top things off, just as I was pulling into home, the gas light on the car came on. Ooopppss. I kinda forgot all about putting gas in it. I am now officially calling this week over! Have a great weekend y'all.

NEVER MIND THE DOG

I DON'T LIKE MONDAYS

MONDAYS... need I say more?

I don't like Mondays but I hate being disorganized more. Today was a huge disorganized morning. I don't know where I left my mind. To start off, I forgot to write on the calendar that I had one of my extra kids, so I was still in bed when he arrived. Thank God I was awake. Then I went to make lunches and discovered that someone had eaten all the bread. Now I have to get my son to buy his lunch. Thank God he has money. I was going to go to the bank this morning. Then my husband was mad at me because I didn't have any cash to give him to buy smokes. Oh well, you should have asked yesterday when I was out. Then I asked him to take the big car.. affectionately known as "the tank" to work today. I have a chiro appointment on the other side of the city. I hate to drive at the best of times let alone when I have to go through miles of construction and leave my neighborhood. The construction I have to drive through was the scene of a fatal accident on Friday. One construction person was killed and the other one was seriously injured. Now I really panic going through it. To top it off I couldn't find the appointment card for my appointment. I can't remember if it is at 10 or 11. I hate being disorganized!

To continue with my forgetfulness, we then realized that it was garbage day. Nothing like starting your day out by chasing the garbage truck down the backlane in your underwear. It might not be so bad if I had fancy Batman Underoos like Mark, but I don't. At least it wasn't the underwear with the big hole in it.

Then I opened the door to get the paper to discover that my new Halloween broom is missing. It was really cool. It was black and neon orange and had a sign on it that said either " The Witch is in" or " The Witch is out". I love it. I hope it turns up.

I also realized that my children have dentist appointments today. Oh joy. I have an extra child I had forgotten about and didn't make extra arrangements for it. I have to scramble to fix that too.

Now instead of trying to fix all the stupid things I have done (or left undone) this morning, I am blogging. Bad blogger, bad blogger.

I will leave you with this thought for the day...

GRACE KELLY

Grace Kelly Video

Grace Kelly lyrics - Mika lyrics

Mika Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

i want to talk to you

(the last time we talked mr smith you reduced me to tears i promise you it wont happen again)

do i attract you? do i repulse you with my queasy smile? am i too dirty? am i too flirty? do i like what you like? i could be wholesome i could be loathsome i guess im a little bit shy

why dont you like me? why dont you like me? without making me try?

I tried to be like grace kelly(mmm) but all her looks were to sad(uhhh) so i tried a little freddy(MMMM) ive gone identity mad!!

i could be brown i could be blue i could be violet sky i could be hurtful i could be purple i could be anything you like gotta be green gotta be mean gotta be everything more why dont you like me? why dont you like me? why dont you walk out the door?

(getting angry doesn't solve anything)

how can i help it? how can i help it? how can i help what you think?

hello my baby hello my baby

putting my life on the brink why dont you like me? why dont you like me? why dont you like yourself? should i bend over? should i look older? just to be put on the shelf?

i tried to be like grace kelly(mmm) but all her looks were to sad(uhh) [Grace Kelly lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

so i tried a little freddie(MMMM) iv gone identity mad!!

i could be brown i could be blue i could be violet sky i could hurtful i could be purple i could be anything you like gotta be green gotta be mean gotta be everything more

why don't you like me why don't you like me walk out the door!

say what you want to satisfy yourself hey! but you only want,what everybody else says you should want, you want.

i could be brown i could be blue i could be violet sky i could hurtful i could be purple i could be anything you like gotta be green gotta be mean gotta be everything more why don't you like me why don't you like me walk out the door

i could be brown i could be blue i could be violet sky i could hurtful i could be purple i could be anything you like gotta be green gotta be mean gotta be everything more why don't you like me why don't you like me walk out the door ooo000o0o0o0ooooahh humphrey we're leaving! kachinga!

I think the song pretty much says it all.

SEPTEMBER 11

SEPTEMBER 11

Need I say more? Please take a minute today and remember.