WHAT IS GOING ON?

What is the matter with the school system now? I just don't understand.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Happy Mother's Day everyone.

I will be MIA again for a little while. I have made up my mind that it is way cheaper to paint my house rather than move. Who knew? The paint has been bought, the snow from last week has melted, so now I am trying to fit painting in around day care children and baseball. Maybe I will be done by Christmas. I will try to pop into other blogs. Take care.

Baseball season again.

Yup, it is that time of year again. This year both the boy and the girl made the AA teams. That translates into baseball seven days a week for mom. Whoopee. I admit I was a little nervous about the girl's coach this year. I vividly remember him from a playoff game last year. He verbally abused the ump and another parent from the team almost was thrown out of the game. The coach was so abusive to the children (our team not his) and the ump that I was starting to get scared. When I found out he was to coach the girl I was a little nervous about letting her continue to play AA ball. So far so good though. He is pretty good to his own team. He works them hard, but is fair. I can't ask for more than that. Keep your fingers crossed for a good year. On the down side, we do have the same parent on our team this year that managed to make himself a parriah last year. He is not off to a good start this season either. So far he has irritated and insulted half the parents. We have only played one game. Oh boy.

I have not seen the boy's team play yet. Their first game is tonight. I did however get to see the last of the tryouts. I sat with a baseball mom from the boy's first year of ball. She is a great lady and I miss sitting with her at baseball. Her boy is very talented and usually makes the AAA team. As he did this year. As we were sitting there, I leaned over and quietly asked her if the lady sitting in the middle of the men far from any of the other mothers was the horrible mother we were on a team with three years ago. ( It has been a very enjoyable three years with out her). It was confirmed that was who it was. The lady behind us leaned over and said; "Why do you think we are all sitting over here?" Some things never change. I guess she is still pissing people off. Lucky for us (that's sarcasm people) she is on our team this year. The woman is a control freaked snob. In preparation for the season I have purchased the tshirt with my favorite saying on it. "MESS WITH ME AND YOU MESS WITH THE WHOLE TRAILER PARK" I plan on wearing it tonight and making sure I stand in front of her. Hee hee. I am such a bitch.

Thus concludes the baseball update.

Now cross your fingers for me. On Friday, I have an appointment with a different doctor. Maybe he will fix my knee. I think now I am at the point that I will not take no for an answer. Someone is going to fix my knee. End of story. I guess as a last resort I can start buying lottery tickets so I can afford to go across to the States and pay to get it done. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Separated at birth? Just asking.

Don't get me wrong. I like Jason. I just find it distracting that he looks alot like Jar Jar.

Need I say more?

Rant, Rant, Bitch, Bitch

It's too early for a Fuck You! Friday post, so I just have to do a WTF Wednesday post instead. I was so pissed off, I couldn't wait until Friday. Buckle your seatbelts. Here it comes....

Back in December we refinanced everything became debt free and bought the loser cruiser. We also intended to buy out our current car. The lease is up in June, but June is a really bad financial month. So instead we bought it out in March... or so I thought.

We had been trying since December to get someone, anyone, to return our calls. What I wanted to know was how much it would cost to buy the remainder of the lease out and fully pay off the car. Between the husband and I we made 6 calls. None of them were returned. The only way we got a call returned was when the husband called the leasing company directly and told them that no one would call us back. We finally got a call in March. 3 months after we first tried to get a return call. We made the appointment to come in a purchase the car. Our appointment was for 6:30 in the evening. We arrived at 6:20. We were told it would be a couple of minutes. No problem since we were early. We didn't actually get to see the guy until 7:30. I was fuming. First he told us they had to put the car "into the system". Hello!!!! you have had 5 years to put it in the system. I am pretty sure I could have done it in 10 minutes. The truth of the matter was that they were having a "staffing issue" (emphasis and deduction is mine). The one salesman was beet red and kept storming out of the building. He was then followed by the guy we were supposed to be seeing. This went on for a hour. Hello! Deal with your fucking staffing problem on your time not mine. Did I mention we were the only non employees in the building at the time. Why the hell couldn't they have dealt with us first and then their staffing issue? By the time the guy decided to actually sell the fucking car, I was boiling mad. He was trying to be funny ( I guess). I was in no mood. I had made another appointment for 7:30 that night thinking we would be long gone by then. Leasing the car in the first place did not take as long as this did. I had to call and cancel my appointment.This did not make me a happy camper. I guess it has been a long time since I was in business and sales but it seems to me that if someone wants to purchase something from you, you should maybe, I don't know, let them give you money. I guess I don't understand the way of the world nowadays.

Once the salesman graced us with his presence and attention, I noted in the final papers that we were being charged a $350 administration fee. I didn't like it but sometimes you just have to bend over and take it up the ass.

The salesman then kept after us that we needed to change the insurance immediately! WE needed to take their name off as the owner of the vehicle. Well, if he had actually seen us when our appointment was instead of making us wait an hour, we could have done it that night. Thanks to him fucking around for a hour, it was too late that night to do it. I told the ass I would do it the next day. He kept bugging me about it. The day after, he phoned me at home and asked me if I had done it yet. I had, but I was tempted to tell him I would assign to it as much importance as he had to our customer needs. I didn't since I thought that would probably go over his head. He then told me he wanted it faxed to him ASAP. I told him he would have to wait since I was at home and did not have access to a fax machine and I wasn't about to purchase one just to make him happy. ( Think I was slightly bitchy by then?) We faxed the copy of the insurance to him to prove we had changed the ownership and stupidly thought that was that. This morning I got a call from our bank. It seems we were slightly overdrawn. This occured because STUPID FUCKING KIA TOOK THE CAR PAYMENT OUT OF THE BANK! The fucking car has been paid in full and they are still trying to take more money out of our account. I informed the bank manager what had happened. He looked at our account and saw the cheque that we used to pay for the car IN FULL was cashed last month. He said he would reverse the payment but could not reverse the service charge. I understood that but I do not understand why the hell I paid KIA $350 for administration when they didn't do fuck all. Now I have to go back to making 16 fucking calls to try and get my call returned to demand they return my payment money that they took and should not have and get them to ensure that they don't fuck it up again next month. I am so mad! Of course no one will return my calls. I should tell them (if I ever get to talk to someone) that I want my payment money back along with all service charges I have incurred from the bank and I want my $350 administration fee back too since I have to do the work for them. I know good luck with that but it just makes me so angry!!! I could spit nails!

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the car. The KIA has actually been a very good car. I however will never buy another one from them. Customer service is an oxymoron to them. Maybe it is because they are morons. Who knows.

Thus concludes my WTF WEDNESDAY rant. Thanks for tuning in.

Stolen Meme

Okay, I confess. I have totally stolen this Meme from TG and AL. Forgive me and I will let you steal it from me.

Answer the questions below by taking your answer and typing it into Photobucket. Take any picture from the results and post.

Age on my next birthday

My favorite food

My favorite animal

My favorite place

My favorite object My favorite color

Where I was born. (okay I cheated on this one. It should be town where I was born, but I liked this answer better)

Town where I now live

Name of pets ..... and my killer looks about as scary as this one does.

Zodiac sign

Nickname

Person I miss right now

First job (Okay. Truth be told, I worked for the competition but I couldn't find a picture)

Current job

Grandma name and Bad habit (i have a filthy mouth as you all know)

Favorite drink

Looking forward to..

Winter Sucks!

In sympathy for Al and LilDeb, I was sent this picture and thought I would share it all with you. I am sure this is how Al and LilDeb felt after this weekend. Let's all cross our fingers and hope Spring comes quick!

FUCK YOU ! FRIDAYS

It has been a long time since I have done a Fuck You Friday post. This week just felt like it might be time to post again. So many things to flip off and so little time. Where to start?

Let's start with death. I am sick and tired of death. Since Christmas there have been five deaths. The oldest was 44, the youngest was 9. I think it is time that death took a loonnggg holiday. The sad thing about these deaths is that only two were caused by a disease. One was an accidental overdose, one has no obvious cause. The one that bothered me the most was the one that was caused by her own hand. While I had not seen her in a long time, the times I did see this woman she was always smiling and singing to herself. Her poor sister was the one who found her. This sort of ties into my next rant. Our mental health care. This poor woman had been struggling with her mental health. On the Friday before her death, she was admitted to the hospital. Her family and close friends were very concerned about her. They could see there was something wrong. The woman herself knew that too. She was hearing voices. On the Saturday, the hospital released her. On Sunday, her sister found her hung in the basement. Could not the medical personell see she was in trouble? The thing that bothers me is that this is not the first story like this I have heard of. My Grandparents sold their farm to a lovely family. The father of the family suffered with a mental illness. He, too was admitted to the hospital. He was released and shortly after, he killed himself. Two months before his daughter's wedding. It was horrible. I was however thankful that my Grandmother did not live to see that. She worried so much about this man. She knew of his struggles but could not help him. A friend of mine tried to admit herself into the hospital once. She felt she was a danger to herself. She sat in the Emergency ward for more than 6 hours. At that point, she gave up and went home. Thankfully, she was strong enough to get through. What if someone not as strong as her had been in that situation? If you went to the hospital and told them that you were going to hurt yourself and they ignored you for hours. Maybe you would think, " I guess I was right. No one cares. They won't help me. I guess I am worthless." Then maybe you would go home and kill yourself out of desperation and hopelessness. Our system is broken. It needs to be fixed somehow. The problem is that few people realize there is a problem. These types of situations are rarely reported. How many have happened like this and we don't know about? I wish I had the solution. I don't. I can just point out the problem and hope no one else falls through the cracks.

Now I will move onto yet another way society is going to hell and personal responsibility has crawled up in a ball and died. In our city recently there was a tragic death of a young boy. For the life of me I can't remember if he was 13 or 15. It doesn't matter. This boy and his 17 year old friend broke into a garage and stole an air gun. The younger boy was then accidentally shot in the eye and killed. His friend was scared and once alerting someone that an ambulance was needed, he took off. He didn't admit to any of this until days later. Here comes the part that really pisses me off. The parents of the 17 year old are saying that the garage owner should be held responsible for this young boy's death. Why? Well because he should have known that kids break into garages and shouldn't have left an air gun in his garage. HELLO?!?! I should be able to go on a month long vacation and leave both my front door and back door open and no one should go into my house. Perhaps the 17 year old son should have been taught that STEALING IS WRONG!!! Nope. Society now feels that personal responsiblity is antiquated and unneccessary in today's world. Every time I read this story it makes my blood boil. Never mind that the parents failed to teach their 17 year old right from wrong. Let's blame society as a whole. AAAARRRRGGGG!

Not that long ago, some scum mugged and beat up a man walking home from work. They left him in the street to die. A woman witnessed this and did the responsible thing and called 911 for help. Unfortunetly, before help arrived, the man was hit by a car and died. Did the scum arrested for this admit their responsiblity? Nope. First they blamed the driver of the car. Then (now this takes the cake) they blamed the woman who called 911. They said she should have come out and helped this man. Let's think about this. It is dark, the woman is alone and is witnessing a beating. The smart thing to do is exactly what she did. Yet she got blamed. Where did society get so fucked up?

I got this in an email. I think is sums it all up pretty good.

My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I > > would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was > > always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by. > > Today I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in > > remembrance, for Common Sense had served us all so well for so many > > generations. s Obituary Common Sense Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a Bandaid to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing

All together now... HAPPY FUCK YOU FRIDAY!

I AM BACK!

I know, I know, I keep saying that. So much has been happening and so little time to blog. Where to start?

The daughter went almost an entire year without breaking a bone. The joke was since she changed schools she wasn't allowed to break any more bones. The girls have been at their new school for a year now. I am sorry I didn't move them four years ago. My daughters are both so much happier. We saw two friends this week. They both commented on how much healthier my girl looks. It is because she is not stressed anymore. Her headaches, stomach pains, meltdowns are all gone. However the broken bone thing came back this week. She fell off the monkey bars at school and chipped the bone in her foot. She has a cast from her toes to her knees. Did I mention she is miserable? She missed the big basketball tournament too. As a nice change, she was royally pissed that she couldn't go to school for two days. She actually WANTED to go to school. What a nice change.

We have been shopping around for middle schools. We had to make a decsion where to send them next year. It was a tough, stressful choice. My only rule was that they had to agree on a school. I was not taking two, same age, kids to two different schools. I may be crazy, but I am not insane. The only school they could agree on was the school their brother went to. I like the school. I love the teachers. The only problem is putting the girls back into the same group of children we finally got them away from. I spoke to the pricipal and explained the situation. She said they would try to keep them separated but couldn't promise anything. I understand that. I was okay with that. Until this week. I had to take the daughter (with the cast) to the school to pick out her band instrument this week. I was a little concerned when she showed a great interest in the tuba and the trumpet. Turns out she chose the clarinet. Whew. An instrument that fits in the backpack. Anyway, while we are waiting for our turn guess who walks in? All four of the kids I was concerned about. Including the child who threatned to bring a knife to school and use it on our daughter. The one the school refused to do anything about. My daughter got that panicked look on her face. I told her to ignore it. Now I am rethinking the choice of schools. I can feel my anxiety rising. I know I shouldn't worry about it and everything may turn out just fine. But I really do not want to go to the way it was. My girls are happy! I can't go back to the way things were.

On a happier note, my baby boy turned 15 this week. Yikes! No fair. I feel so old. I can feel the bones crack everytime I move and the hair is turning color too. Pretty soon, I will be stuck in my rocking chair, shaking my cane at those loud lousy kids running across the lawn. The boy had a pretty good birthday. The lousy kid ended up with almost $400. I am going to have to go to him for a loan. He is really excited that he can take drivers ed in September. His mother is finding it hard to muster up that much enthusiasm. I am a nervous driver to start with. Sitting beside a novice teenage driver will send me into convulsions.

School is a no go for me. I am still waiting for a course to be offered that I haven't already taken. I only need 5 more but it is getting harder to take the courses. They rarely offer the courses I need. How do they expect me to finnish if they don't offer what I need and I can't afford to move to full time day classes. I am taking a WEVAS course next month. Working Effectively with Violent and Aggressive States. I don't need it to graduate, but I need it to get a job. Go figure. At least I am taking it with a friend I have met through my other classes. She is a riot so I am looking forward to it. This friend is the one who went for a joy ride in a computer chair in one of my other courses. She was bored on her break so she convinced another girl to push her down the wheelchair ramp in the computer chair. When that got boring, she convinced this girl to get her car and a rope. The girl then towed my friend behind her car all around the parking lot. This girl kills me.

I guess that is it all in a nutshell. If anyone still reads it, I will try to pop around to your blogs soon. Take care

Nope, not dead yet

I am not dead yet. Somedays you just have to keep telling yourself that. I am not quite sure how it happened, but somehow my schedule exploded. I am now lucky if I have 5 minutes to myself and the kids have found all of my good hiding places. Darn.

I have been crazy busy, but I did have time to make one observation. I have lived in this country for far too long. All week they were warning us there was going to be a huge blizzard. Get home fast, get supplies, hunker in. Okay. PFFFFTTTT. The snow we got didn't even cover the top of my shoe. There was some wind but that was it. What a disappointment. However it is frickin cold. Too bad for my kids, it is still 1 degree too warm to cancel the school buses. The girls have figured since they have to take a cab to school, if the buses are cancelled, they shouldn't have to go either. The buses are cancelled at -45C. The past two days it has been -44C. Boy are they pissed. Oh well, hope springs eternal.

My day is beginning now, so the blogging has to wait. I hope to get back to it quick. I will try to check in with y'all as soon as I can. I may just post and run, but know that I am thinking of you all. Take care and don't freeze.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Messing With Santa's Head

- Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa"

- Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

- Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

- While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

- Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

- Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

- Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

- Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

- Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmas+es, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's to o late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the c arpet.

Yours Always, MOM...!

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa!!!

THE BIG COUNTDOWN IS ON... Forgive me for not posting. It is almost Christmas and I haven't started baking or my cards. I should be ready by March at the latest. I will be back, just not too freqently. Have a great weekend

My dirty little secret

Okay my lovlies it is confession time. At the risk of never ever hearing from Al again, I must confessed something. Yes, it is repulsive. It might scare you. It might even torture you. You might turn your back on me. I need to clear my conscience though. I hang my head in shame as I admit this. I like this stupid song. I always have. I understand I might be kicked out of heavy metal heavan.. Please forgive my musical sins.

Wannabe Video

Wannabe lyrics - Spice Girls lyrics

Spice Girls Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

Some of the thoughts bouncing around in my head

I must be getting old. I am at that stage in my life when I am reexamining the choices I have made. I made some I would love to go back and change. Some are irreversible, some involve taking a chance, and some are just not to be no matter how hard you try to change things.

I had a visitor today. It was someone I hadn't seen in almost 28 years. The choices I have made in my life, took us down different paths. Yet when we were together, it all clicked. I remember reading a story once. The main character lived on a reserve. In this culture, it was assumed you would get together with a certain someone from your childhood. If you moved away from this, it was a big scandal. Especially if you brought back a stranger. When I first read it I thought it was a little strange to know that young that you will be together. How can someone know from the age of 5 or 6 what should be? I got a glimpse of that today. It is the novelty, history, happiness, sadness, and passion and comfort all rolled into one. I am conflicted. Happy but conflicted. I wish I could turn back time and make a different choice. This friend pointed it out to me that I could have chosen a differnt path, but I didn't. If I could turn back time, you can bet I would do things differently.

Looks like I am going to pay for making the wrong decisions. When will I learn?

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth

My appologies faithful readers ( the two of you who are left) I have been very negelectful. Please forgive me.

Nothing overly exciting has been happening here. The girl did have a concussion. She has recovered nicely. The little girl who let the door go, felt so bad. She called twice that night to check on the girl. Then the next day, her mom called to check if all was okay. She told me if I needed anything to call her. What a sweet family. They were afraid we would be angry and not let the girls be friends anymore. If I knew her a little better, I would have told her that trips to the emergency room is nothing new to our family. That sounds bad if you don't know us. The boy's brain scan came back okay. Phew, no cancer but still no explaination as to what is causing his daily headaches.We have monitored his diet, checked his eyes, blood test, CT scans. We are trying meds now and will give it a month to see.

My course is over now. I wrote my exam..aced it. It sucked that I had to write my exam the day after my birthday.Can you guess what I did for my bday? Yup, studied. Do I know how to live it up or what? Final grade A+. Woo hoo! I am off til spring now. The courses they are offering now, I have already taken. I am going to look into taking my refresher CPR and the Working Effectivly with Violent and Aggressive States (WEVAS) course. I don't need it to complete my program but you do need it to get a job. Go figure.

A friend of mine has asked me if I will help her out for the Christmas season at their business. Yes, my lovlies, GG is going to bartend.Considering I have never been behind a bar before this could be entertaining. A martini is the thing James Bond drank right? Shaken not stirred? and what the hell is a blue lightning? I think I might be in over my head.

That is about all that is new here. I will try to post a little more often. Sorry gang.HOpe all is well in your world.

Now post a comment so I know you are all still alive!

Could Noah build his ark today?

If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.

"First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.

"The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.

"Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.

"Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.

"The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.

"And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional.

"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."

Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."

*recieved via email*

Bombers vs Roughriders

WILL BEAT Yup, I called it! Woo Hoo it is official. The Grey Cup will be Winnipeg VS Saskatchewan! From here forward it shall be called "The Banjo Cup Bowl".

GO BOMBERS!!

Warning!! This one is so bad it is funny. Don't say I didn't warn you. Psychic

I am not a believer in séances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear.

I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest...

Wait for it - - - - - -

I was arrested for striking a happy medium...

Insomnia reduces me to a babbling idiot

This is what happens when you have insomnia. You end up looking for really stupid things on YouTube. I must admit, this one had me rolling on the floor. I want these guys to come to my next party.

This video can be offensive so be warned. I will bet you any amount of money that these boys get beat up alot at school. However, all their videos make me laugh.