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Monday, April 27, 2009

Back again

FFFTTTTTT!!! PHHHHWWWWWFFFFF! Yes, I have blown the dust off the blog and fired her up again. For so long I have thought of topics to post. Truth be told, they seem like good ideas in the middle of the night, but in the cold hard light of day I realized they all just sound like bitching and moaning. The last coupld of weeks though have sent me for a loop or two. I need to sort things out. I need to get over them and move on. Okay, I need a good kick in the ass, I need to put on the big girl panties, and I need to accept things as they are. I can't change them. That being said, I just cant' get over it yet. I thought maybe if I put it out there I would get the reality check I need or a pity party. Whichever. Bottom line. I am feeling like for the first time in my life, I am being hit with the truth of sexism. (Or at least my little girl is). I am having a hard time believing that I really have never had to face it but my daughter does. Shouldn't it work the opposite. I fought the battles as a child so my daughters don't have to? When I was growing up I was always told I could do or be anything I put my mind to. "There were no limits. I grew up believing that was just the way it is. Now I am learning that it is not so. For the past two years my little girl has played AA baseball. Yes BASEBALL not SOFTBALL. I get so sick of people telling me that she should be playing softball because she is a girl. She wants to play hard ball. Shouldn't that be enough? I thought so but I guess I am wrong, wrong, wrong. Last season was, for lack of a better word, interesting. The team she was on, won the Provincials for her age group. Hooray but her coach was not really thrilled with having a girl on his team. She was told things like " You are on my team because no one else wanted you" or " I got stuck with you because no one else would take you". These things did not impress me but I chalked it up to the fact that he was an asshole with his own issues to work out. She didn't get alot of playing time but she stuck it out anyway. This winter she was in baseball camp and had some private lessons from a big wig with the local ball association. She improved so much. Tryouts were a couple of weeks ago. Now, I love her to death but I am not blind. I know she is not AAA material. We all want her to be but facts are, she isn't. No biggie. TRyouts went very well. At least we thought they did. She got a call back. They wanted to take another look at her and some other players. Woo Hoo! On the night before the call back, we were at her brother's tryouts. As we were leaving, the big wig stopped the girl and told her how great she did at her tryouts. Keeping in mind she is the only girl in the area to tryout for ball. She was so encouraged by this! She went to the call back the next day, ready to kick some serious butt. The call back was her best day yet. She didn't make either the AAA or the AA team. I don't understand it. She has always played AA. She was not the worst player out there and why did Mr. BigWig tell her how great she was doing? We were disappointed and slightly confused why she did not make it. It happens, move on. I might have except for a few things that have happened since. I have heard a story, or a variation of the story from three people now. The story goes (depending on who tells it) that before tryouts even started, the Association had decieded that she would not be playing. The other story is they didn't want her playing for them because she was a girl and they don't want girls playing. I was stunned. Then I heard her coach from two years ago was really surprised at how much she had improved since he last saw her play. Hmmm, maybe they should have looked at that before they decieded to exclude her. I had sent an email to Mr. BigWig. During some of the training sessions he had mentioned to the girl that he wanted her to tryout for the girls National Team. If she is such a lousy player, why would he encourage her to try out at a National level unless he is some sort of Sadist. Anyway, I emailed him and asked him for the information. I told him she was disappointed that she didn't make the team and is now determined to make the National team to prove to the Association that she CAN play ball. I never heard back from him. He is normally very prompt with responses. It all makes me wonder what the hell is going on. I don't want to sound like one of those parents who can't accept that their child can't play well enough and I probably do but I can't help it. I feel like we are caught up in something but we arent' told what it is. It frustrates me to think it might all be because she is a girl who dares to want to play baseball. There is no rule that says girls can't play and after all, it is just a stupid fucking GAME!!! I don't know what to do or how to make my mind to move on. It has become my issue now. I need to work it out, but I am not quite sure how to.