MERRY CHRISTMAS

Messing With Santa's Head

- Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa"

- Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

- Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

- While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

- Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

- Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

- Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

- Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

- Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmas+es, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's to o late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the c arpet.

Yours Always, MOM...!

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa!!!

THE BIG COUNTDOWN IS ON... Forgive me for not posting. It is almost Christmas and I haven't started baking or my cards. I should be ready by March at the latest. I will be back, just not too freqently. Have a great weekend

My dirty little secret

Okay my lovlies it is confession time. At the risk of never ever hearing from Al again, I must confessed something. Yes, it is repulsive. It might scare you. It might even torture you. You might turn your back on me. I need to clear my conscience though. I hang my head in shame as I admit this. I like this stupid song. I always have. I understand I might be kicked out of heavy metal heavan.. Please forgive my musical sins.

Wannabe Video

Wannabe lyrics - Spice Girls lyrics

Spice Girls Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

Some of the thoughts bouncing around in my head

I must be getting old. I am at that stage in my life when I am reexamining the choices I have made. I made some I would love to go back and change. Some are irreversible, some involve taking a chance, and some are just not to be no matter how hard you try to change things.

I had a visitor today. It was someone I hadn't seen in almost 28 years. The choices I have made in my life, took us down different paths. Yet when we were together, it all clicked. I remember reading a story once. The main character lived on a reserve. In this culture, it was assumed you would get together with a certain someone from your childhood. If you moved away from this, it was a big scandal. Especially if you brought back a stranger. When I first read it I thought it was a little strange to know that young that you will be together. How can someone know from the age of 5 or 6 what should be? I got a glimpse of that today. It is the novelty, history, happiness, sadness, and passion and comfort all rolled into one. I am conflicted. Happy but conflicted. I wish I could turn back time and make a different choice. This friend pointed it out to me that I could have chosen a differnt path, but I didn't. If I could turn back time, you can bet I would do things differently.

Looks like I am going to pay for making the wrong decisions. When will I learn?

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth

My appologies faithful readers ( the two of you who are left) I have been very negelectful. Please forgive me.

Nothing overly exciting has been happening here. The girl did have a concussion. She has recovered nicely. The little girl who let the door go, felt so bad. She called twice that night to check on the girl. Then the next day, her mom called to check if all was okay. She told me if I needed anything to call her. What a sweet family. They were afraid we would be angry and not let the girls be friends anymore. If I knew her a little better, I would have told her that trips to the emergency room is nothing new to our family. That sounds bad if you don't know us. The boy's brain scan came back okay. Phew, no cancer but still no explaination as to what is causing his daily headaches.We have monitored his diet, checked his eyes, blood test, CT scans. We are trying meds now and will give it a month to see.

My course is over now. I wrote my exam..aced it. It sucked that I had to write my exam the day after my birthday.Can you guess what I did for my bday? Yup, studied. Do I know how to live it up or what? Final grade A+. Woo hoo! I am off til spring now. The courses they are offering now, I have already taken. I am going to look into taking my refresher CPR and the Working Effectivly with Violent and Aggressive States (WEVAS) course. I don't need it to complete my program but you do need it to get a job. Go figure.

A friend of mine has asked me if I will help her out for the Christmas season at their business. Yes, my lovlies, GG is going to bartend.Considering I have never been behind a bar before this could be entertaining. A martini is the thing James Bond drank right? Shaken not stirred? and what the hell is a blue lightning? I think I might be in over my head.

That is about all that is new here. I will try to post a little more often. Sorry gang.HOpe all is well in your world.

Now post a comment so I know you are all still alive!