Well, here I am again. It looks like I won't be posting very much for the next little while. Things have gotten really out of hand here. To save time, I will just hit the highlights

Let's see, I have three papers to write for school. I have completed only one and I am starting to really panic about the other two. I don't have a clue how to even start them. I took my son to the doctor for his headaches and insomnia. He is now scheduled for a brain scan because the doctor can't find anything obviously wrong. No one has actually said the big "C" word, but it is in the back of my mind. I know I shouldn't borrow trouble, but he is my baby and I am worried sick. The doctor also informed me that I have signifigant hearing loss. I am waiting for a hearing test. We will have to wait and see where that leads to. At least now I have proof that I do not have selective hearing.

Since switching schools, my daughter has been much happier. The complete meltdowns she was having had completely disappeared. Until this week. She had one huge one. I am not even sure what brought it on. It just brings back all the horrible feelings of last year. I cannot survive that again. The positive part of it is, it isn't school related this time. I think I have narrowed it down to one boy I look after. He used to be her best friend. Now when he is around, he seems to push her over the edge. He doesn't do it intentionally, it just happens. And not every time either. Ahh the mysteries of the mind of a child.

I can't really put a finger on the one thing that is bothering me so much. It is just alot of little things that are piling up. I am back to feeling like I want to jump out of my skin. I am sitting still, but my insides are running a million miles an hour. I have gone from having insomnia, to sleeping all the time. That makes it a little difficult to get things done. I suppose that is a symptom of depression. I love the doctor's advice. Part of my stress is money worries. Right now, I can't afford the anti anxiety meds. Our insurance ran out, so I have to save the money to get the meds. The doctor wants me to see a therapist. So let me get this straight, I can't afford the meds, I am worried about money, but let's find enough money to spend $75 an hour to tell someone else that. That's practical.

If you have ever experienced depression you will understand. It sort of feels like you are drowning on dry land.

I will try to post something upbeat soon. But if I have disappeared for a little while, you know where I am..... the psych ward. Take care all.