SCARY THOUGHTS FOR TODAY

It may not be Halloween, but do you want to read something that will scare the pants off you?

Canadian Sentinel sent this gem to me. Everyone should read it. It is something that will make you think. It will also scare the bejeezus out of you if you stop to think about it. Check it out and let him know I sent you.

THIS IS WHY I DON'T FLY

Hippopotamus, New York

A woman called to make reservations "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"

"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer.

After some searching, the agent came back with "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere."

The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered.

"You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal" was the reply.

It's Fuck You ! Friday Again

The human's capacity for stupidity never ceased to amaze me. Take today's little story for example.

Spring has finally arrived! With Spring comes the annual City clean up. The city has issued notices that street cleaning would be starting on Sunday. It is now Friday, so everyone has had plenty of notice. The no parking signs went up on our street after supper last night. There was to be no parking on our street from 8 AM until 5PM today. This shouldn't be a problem. WRONG WRONG WRONG!

On the way to drop kids off at school this morning there was a car being towed. The driver failed to heed the no parking signs. I then had to walk to the bank. When I got back about an hour later, there were two more cars parked on our street. These cars were pretty much parked in front of the no parking signs. They had already been ticketed and the tow truck was there to move them. The tow truck driver had hooked one car up and was then knocking on doors to find the owner. When no one answered, he climbed into the truck and began honking. I thought he was being very generous giving that much notice that your car was being towed. Finally the owners come running out of their homes to retrieve their cars. Along with their tickets. While this is going on, another car pulls up. He parks between the two tow truck and takes his coffee and goes into a house. I wanted to ask him if his lobotomy had been performed recently. Some people are just too stupid to inhale oxygen. To those people, I offer this week's FUCK YOU! I hope you all have a great weekend. Now fuck off!

THE PROCRASTINATOR'S CREED

The Procrastinator's Creed 1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.

8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.

12. I know that the work cycle is not plan-start-finish, but is wait-plan-plan.

13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.

At least I finally filed my income tax.

ZZZZZZ...

I am feeling really strange today. (I know I am usually strange, but this is different). The doctor gave me stronger meds to help me sleep. One tiny problem. They don't work. I take them at bedtime and they don't kick in til about 4:00am. Then the next day, I feel sleepy and I have the shakes. I can't think straight. Hell, I can't even type. You have no idea how long this took me to type. I think I will give up on the meds. That might mean I have to give up sleeping altogether though.

On the good news front, I have come to the conclusion that moving schools was the best thing for my girls. Yesterday when I picked them up, my daughter said her day was "wonderful"> When I asked her what was wonderful about it, she said nothing special it was just a good day. My other daughter said she had a good day too. Woo HOO! I heard through the grapevine that since my girls left the school, three more left too and one parent had it out with the gym teacher on the playground. About time someone put her in her place. I feel good about the choice we made to move. I hope it continues.

To the rest of you who are struggling with various troubles lately, my thoughts are with you all. Hang in there.

THE THINGS KIDS SAY

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!

Things were good here. Busy as usual. My favorite cousin and her girls came for Easter dinner. I always have a good time with her.

I was reading Al's blog about his conversation with the Rayman, between that post and spending time with my cousin I remembered a story my Aunt told me.

My Aunt was a teacher for many years. She is a very proper, church going lady. I don't think she has ever said a bad word, drank, or smoked in her life. One day a little boy came in from recess.. we will call him Billy.

Billy: Mrs. G, Tommy said a bad word.

Mrs. G: What did he say, Tommy?

Billy: He said "THE R WORD!!!"

Now keep in mind we are talking about a very proper woman here. She quickly ran down a list of all the bad words she could think of but could not come up the dreaded "R" word. Finally she had to give up.

Mrs. G: I am sorry Billy, I don't think I know the "R" word. You are going to have to tell me the word.

Are your ready for this?

Are you sure?

Have you gone through all the swear words you can think of?

Billy: He said "ARSE".

My poor Aunt didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

HAPPY EASTER!

Another day, Another meltdown courtesy of my daughter. I thought things were getting better. She seemed happier. I don't get " Don't make me go to school. Please Mom! Don't make me go". Silly me, I thought that meant things were turning around. It is all back with a vengance. We saw the Pychologist. She didn't see any problems with her. She told us she was a tomboy who had some issues with letter and number formaition. She said she would grown out of it all. Great $950 to be told exactly what we already knew. That was money well spent. If there are no problems, then why is she acting this way? What is setting her off like that? We have watched her diet, sleep patterns, friends, and everything else we can think of. There is no pattern to it. Not related to moon cycles, time of the month, or the tides. It is not related to the weather. I give up. I am sooo tired. I don't know if I can keep this up much more. It just beats you down. Sometimes I think she would be better off without me. She would be better with someone who can figure out, what the hell is going on. We have been to so many doctors. No one has any answers. Maybe it is just bad parenting. I just don't know anymore. The fight has gone out of me. I just can't do it anymore. Meds don't help. If they up my meds anymore, I will be comotose (hmmm maybe not a bad idea). I just can't go on anymore. The effort to put one foot in front of the other is just too much. I can't do it. Stick a fork in me. I am done.

Two Trouble Makers

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.

So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"