MERRY CHRISTMAS

Messing With Santa's Head

- Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa"

- Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

- Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

- While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

- Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

- Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

- Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

- Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

- Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmas+es, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's to o late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the c arpet.

Yours Always, MOM...!

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa!!!

THE BIG COUNTDOWN IS ON... Forgive me for not posting. It is almost Christmas and I haven't started baking or my cards. I should be ready by March at the latest. I will be back, just not too freqently. Have a great weekend

My dirty little secret

Okay my lovlies it is confession time. At the risk of never ever hearing from Al again, I must confessed something. Yes, it is repulsive. It might scare you. It might even torture you. You might turn your back on me. I need to clear my conscience though. I hang my head in shame as I admit this. I like this stupid song. I always have. I understand I might be kicked out of heavy metal heavan.. Please forgive my musical sins.

Wannabe Video

Wannabe lyrics - Spice Girls lyrics

Spice Girls Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

Some of the thoughts bouncing around in my head

I must be getting old. I am at that stage in my life when I am reexamining the choices I have made. I made some I would love to go back and change. Some are irreversible, some involve taking a chance, and some are just not to be no matter how hard you try to change things.

I had a visitor today. It was someone I hadn't seen in almost 28 years. The choices I have made in my life, took us down different paths. Yet when we were together, it all clicked. I remember reading a story once. The main character lived on a reserve. In this culture, it was assumed you would get together with a certain someone from your childhood. If you moved away from this, it was a big scandal. Especially if you brought back a stranger. When I first read it I thought it was a little strange to know that young that you will be together. How can someone know from the age of 5 or 6 what should be? I got a glimpse of that today. It is the novelty, history, happiness, sadness, and passion and comfort all rolled into one. I am conflicted. Happy but conflicted. I wish I could turn back time and make a different choice. This friend pointed it out to me that I could have chosen a differnt path, but I didn't. If I could turn back time, you can bet I would do things differently.

Looks like I am going to pay for making the wrong decisions. When will I learn?

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth

My appologies faithful readers ( the two of you who are left) I have been very negelectful. Please forgive me.

Nothing overly exciting has been happening here. The girl did have a concussion. She has recovered nicely. The little girl who let the door go, felt so bad. She called twice that night to check on the girl. Then the next day, her mom called to check if all was okay. She told me if I needed anything to call her. What a sweet family. They were afraid we would be angry and not let the girls be friends anymore. If I knew her a little better, I would have told her that trips to the emergency room is nothing new to our family. That sounds bad if you don't know us. The boy's brain scan came back okay. Phew, no cancer but still no explaination as to what is causing his daily headaches.We have monitored his diet, checked his eyes, blood test, CT scans. We are trying meds now and will give it a month to see.

My course is over now. I wrote my exam..aced it. It sucked that I had to write my exam the day after my birthday.Can you guess what I did for my bday? Yup, studied. Do I know how to live it up or what? Final grade A+. Woo hoo! I am off til spring now. The courses they are offering now, I have already taken. I am going to look into taking my refresher CPR and the Working Effectivly with Violent and Aggressive States (WEVAS) course. I don't need it to complete my program but you do need it to get a job. Go figure.

A friend of mine has asked me if I will help her out for the Christmas season at their business. Yes, my lovlies, GG is going to bartend.Considering I have never been behind a bar before this could be entertaining. A martini is the thing James Bond drank right? Shaken not stirred? and what the hell is a blue lightning? I think I might be in over my head.

That is about all that is new here. I will try to post a little more often. Sorry gang.HOpe all is well in your world.

Now post a comment so I know you are all still alive!

Could Noah build his ark today?

If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.

"First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.

"The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.

"Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.

"Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.

"The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.

"And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional.

"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."

Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."

*recieved via email*

Bombers vs Roughriders

WILL BEAT Yup, I called it! Woo Hoo it is official. The Grey Cup will be Winnipeg VS Saskatchewan! From here forward it shall be called "The Banjo Cup Bowl".

GO BOMBERS!!

Warning!! This one is so bad it is funny. Don't say I didn't warn you. Psychic

I am not a believer in séances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear.

I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest...

Wait for it - - - - - -

I was arrested for striking a happy medium...

Insomnia reduces me to a babbling idiot

This is what happens when you have insomnia. You end up looking for really stupid things on YouTube. I must admit, this one had me rolling on the floor. I want these guys to come to my next party.

This video can be offensive so be warned. I will bet you any amount of money that these boys get beat up alot at school. However, all their videos make me laugh.

LEST WE FORGET

It is the VETERAN , not the preacher,

Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN , not the reporter,

Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN , not the poet,

Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN , not the campus organizer,

Who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN , not the lawyer,

Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN , not the politician,

Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the VETERAN ,

Who salutes the Flag,

It is the veteran ,

Who serves under the Flag,

ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.

We can be very proud of our young men and women in the service no matter where they serve.

God Bless them all!!!

Corner Gas.. World's Biggest....

I love Corner Gas. It kills me. This clip is from my all time favorite episode. The Corner Gas website used to sell tshirts saying " World's Biggest Hoe". I am kicking myself I didn't buy one when I first saw them. Enjoy the clip.

Okay gang, Cross your fingers... the boy is going for his brain scan in the morning. I hope he has one.. hee hee

Right now, I am waiting to hear from the hospital. My daughter got hit in the head by a door (I guess it wasn't big enough for her to see). She has a huge bump on her head, she is dizzy, feeling ill, and is a little more out of it than usual. I really hope they don't keep her overnight. However, it would make things easier for me. Spend the night at one hospital and take the tunnels to the other hospital for the boy's brain scan. Convient brain shopping all in one place. Woo Hoo! I will keep you posted.

Well, here I am again. It looks like I won't be posting very much for the next little while. Things have gotten really out of hand here. To save time, I will just hit the highlights

Let's see, I have three papers to write for school. I have completed only one and I am starting to really panic about the other two. I don't have a clue how to even start them. I took my son to the doctor for his headaches and insomnia. He is now scheduled for a brain scan because the doctor can't find anything obviously wrong. No one has actually said the big "C" word, but it is in the back of my mind. I know I shouldn't borrow trouble, but he is my baby and I am worried sick. The doctor also informed me that I have signifigant hearing loss. I am waiting for a hearing test. We will have to wait and see where that leads to. At least now I have proof that I do not have selective hearing.

Since switching schools, my daughter has been much happier. The complete meltdowns she was having had completely disappeared. Until this week. She had one huge one. I am not even sure what brought it on. It just brings back all the horrible feelings of last year. I cannot survive that again. The positive part of it is, it isn't school related this time. I think I have narrowed it down to one boy I look after. He used to be her best friend. Now when he is around, he seems to push her over the edge. He doesn't do it intentionally, it just happens. And not every time either. Ahh the mysteries of the mind of a child.

I can't really put a finger on the one thing that is bothering me so much. It is just alot of little things that are piling up. I am back to feeling like I want to jump out of my skin. I am sitting still, but my insides are running a million miles an hour. I have gone from having insomnia, to sleeping all the time. That makes it a little difficult to get things done. I suppose that is a symptom of depression. I love the doctor's advice. Part of my stress is money worries. Right now, I can't afford the anti anxiety meds. Our insurance ran out, so I have to save the money to get the meds. The doctor wants me to see a therapist. So let me get this straight, I can't afford the meds, I am worried about money, but let's find enough money to spend $75 an hour to tell someone else that. That's practical.

If you have ever experienced depression you will understand. It sort of feels like you are drowning on dry land.

I will try to post something upbeat soon. But if I have disappeared for a little while, you know where I am..... the psych ward. Take care all.

Okay, parenting this day and age is getting harder and harder. When we were kids our main worries were bullies, strangers in cars, and pimples. Today there was a threat written on the bathroom wall of my son's school. It happened too late in the day for parents to be sent a letter. Instead they posted a letter on their webpage and notified the media.

I realize that the threat is probably not a real threat but still. The big question is do you send your kid to school or not. On one hand, I realize that the threat was more than likely made to get the kids out of class. On the other hand, what if...

On the one hand, if I keep him home from school, it will count toward his class absences. On the other hand, how much learning will actually occur?

The notice said all the doors will be locked and there will be a strong police prescence. Do I really want to send my son into that enviroment?

My little girl is terrified something will happen to her brother. No matter what I say, I can't convince her that he will be safe. I am comtemplating keeping him home just to reassure her.

What happened to the good old days. Where you had to worry about your kids smoking, or skipping classses and that was about it. You never had to worry they will get themselves killed.

FUCK YOU! FRIDAY (ONLY IT'S THURSDAY)

I wasn't sure if I would have time to make a post on friday, so instead of depriving you of a Friday post, I have made one early. Have a great weekend!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Here in the Great White North, it is Thanksgiving. Today I give thanks for all my friends and family. Including all my blogger friends.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY! May you all have something to be thankful for. Here, I will share some turkey with you.

SMILE OF THE DAY

Gotta love his honesty! Finally, a pool I can afford.

Now that you have smiled, have a great day!

One Smart Cookie

One day I hope to be as smart as this old lady

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.

Finally he went to the check-out line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."

"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. So, when the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the check-out counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

The clerk replied, "Your mother said that you would pay for her."

Rest in Peace

It has been one year since Giselle left us. I had wanted to get another tattoo in memory of her but I just couldn't swing it. I hope she is at peace. She has left this earth, but she will never leave our hearts.

REST IN PEACE MY FRIEND

Fuck you! Fridays

AAARRRGGGGG!!!

I thought this week would never end. It has been the week from hell. I already vented about Monday. Let me tell you. It didn't get better.

Come with me as we enter the week from hell. For starters, I am still recovering from my near death yesterday. The city is full of construction right now. Every major route in the city has some form of construction. It has made for a travelling nightmare. Yesterday I was travelling back from my Chiro appointment. It is on the other side of the city from me. ( I really should find something closer) I was toodling along in my lane. The lane WITHOUT the construction. When out of the blue, the car beside me thought it would be a good idea to take over my lane. That would be fine except I was beside him at the time. Not ahead, so I could see a signal that he wanted in. Not Behind where he could squeeze in. Nope right beside me. He figured that his lane ended so he should automatically get mine. Hello! Driving here! We were travelling around 80km at the time. When I realized what he was doing, I hit the brakes mighty quick. The car behind me must have seen what was happening because when I stopped, he was stopped a good two car lengths behind me. When we stopped, you could not have put a piece of paper between us. He starts flapping his arms at me. Hello! I was minding my own business in my own lane. Sheesh. It scared me so bad, my knees shook the rest of the way home.

Today was not a wonderful day either. I started my day off with my daughter yelling from her bed she needed help. She was so ill, she couldn't move. She had a major asthma attack on Tuesday. I thought it was better. I kept her home on Wednesday. This morning she came down with the flu. Oh joy. My other daughter is very shy. She did not want to take a taxi by herself to school. I was leary about sending her on the city bus alone too. I asked my husband to drop her off at school. He refused because he had to be at his parents for 7 to help them move. I thought they might understand but nope. My friend was deathly ill yesterday so I didn't want to ask her and my other friends were already at work. So I kept both girls home in the morning. I couldn't drive them because I was looking after too many kids to fit in the car. Since I was at home, I thought I would really clean my room. We have a wasp nest outside of our back door. Lately, they have been getting into my bedroom. I can't figure out how. My husband is deathly allergic to wasp stings so that could be a big problem. The cat was chasing one of these wasps and got tangled up in my curtains. My curtain rod is now in the shape of a U. I knew I had another one somewhere. I eventually found it. While I was at it, I thought it would be a good idea to wash the curtains. Then I thought about caulking around the window to stop the wasps. Except I also couldn't find the caulking gun. AAARrRRRgggg. I was able to borrow one. When I went to hang the new rod, the old hooks didn't fit the new rod. Then the drill was dead. It took me all day to do this little thing. I still haven't had time for a shower. Then I got a call from my friend's son. He was home sick and his mom was chaperoning a field trip. His other sister got sick and needed to be picked up from school. So I loaded my sick child and the three year old into the car and off we went. I just couldn't get anything done. While in the car I was complaining that my sunglasses were dirty. When I took them off to clean them, the lens fell out.

I was exhausted and grumpy at this point. I did not feel like cooking so I ordered a pizza. They told me to pick it up in 30 minutes. Yeah, try an hour. We sat there for 30 minutes waiting. At this point, my son announced that his cell phone had been cut off. I know the bill payment was made, because I dropped it off myself. However, knowing this company it didn't surprise me. They waited over a month to cash my last cheque. However, they didn't cut him off until 6. On a Friday. Yeah good luck getting that fixed anytime soon.

Just to top things off, just as I was pulling into home, the gas light on the car came on. Ooopppss. I kinda forgot all about putting gas in it. I am now officially calling this week over! Have a great weekend y'all.