SUMMER HOLIDAYS

Well my lovlies, it is finally my summer holidays. I have been on holidays for almost two weeks now. It hasn't felt like a holiday. My kids have had soo many kids sleep over and I have spent almost every waking hour at the skate park with the kids. So much for holidays away from taking care of children. Now it is time for my annual trip. I get a whole three days away from my family, home and life. Woo Hoo!

As my farewell gift to you, I will show you a boob picture.

Now that I got you excited, I will explain the story. When you spent time babysitting preadolescent boys, you get a whole new education. One day the boys asked if I would take them to the "Boob Park". After I spit my coffee out I asked them what they were talking about. The said they wanted me to take them to the "Boob Park " by 7-11. I knew what park they were asking about but I had no idea why they called it that. They informed me that the merry - go - round looked like a boob. I have been taking kids to this park for years. Until that day, I had never noticed. Damn if they weren't right.

So without further ado, I offer you ........ 'THE BOOB PARK'.

Thursday

He's My hero!

The Mysteries of the mind

I have been dreaming about her again. My nights have not been restful. In my dreams, I am trying to contact her. I am trying to reach her. I sense she is trouble. I am trying to get to her but I never do. I wonder if subconscoiusly I know the anniversary of her death is nearing. I didn't dream of her when she died. But she haunts my dreams now.

It isn't like it was the first time someone close to me passed on. Maybe it is because she was my first friend to pass on that haunts me so much. She was so young. So full of life. She had so much to accomplish. She didn't get a chance to adopt her baby.

It frustrates me that I cannot fix this. I can't bring her back. Instead she haunts my dreams. If only I could actually contact her in my dream. Then maybe the dreams will stop. Maybe they will stop after the anniversary of her death passes. Of course then it would have been her birthday. Two events so close together. I feel like I am losing my mind. Maybe she is trying to tell me something. Something I can't quite grasp. Who knows. Maybe she is telling me that I will be joining her soon. I wish I knew.

Shakespeare said.. " to sleep, perchance to dream" For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, /When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, /Must give us pause.

Maybe Shakespeare really understood. I wish I did.

FUCK YOU FRIDAY

It is that time of week again. I guess I disappointed a reader/fan last week because I had no post. Not to worry. I have a great big one this week.

Where to start?

Let's start with the computer itself. It crashed this week. Or at least I thought it crashed. I was so upset. I had not saved to disc any of the emails I had from my friend who had passed away. I was so upset to think that I had lost them. Fortunetly, I didn;t loose them. You can bet they are saved to disc now! Since it has been so hot and we don't have central air, we use window air conditioners. For whatever reason, this summer it seemed to sometimes overload the circuits and blow a fuse. It turns out that all of those blown fuses scrambled the computer because it was not shut down properly. All was saved. Whew

My holidays have started now. You would think that would make me happy. Nope. I hate sounding whiny, but here goes. I did not get paid. Two families owe me money and neither one paid me. Of course they are both on holidays now too. I can't reach them. They have left. Great. I was supposed to go away for a few days the last week in August. Not going to happen now. First off, I don't have the extra money since I didn't get paid. Plus in the mail this week, I recieved a number of unexpected bills. The kids registration for bowling is due that week plus student fees for the boy plus the boy talked too much on his cell phone so I have a huge bill. Yes he will pay for it, he is working to pay it off, but for now, I have to pay it. Then the bowling registration, timetable pickup and calling to arrange teacher meetings all take place the week I wanted to go away. Since their father will not do any of it, it looks like the vaction is off. I am not a happy camper.

There you have it , my Fuck You this week, is sent out to disappointment. Have a good weekend y'all. Happy Fuck you Friday.

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I stole this from Mackey. Now a days it is just nice to be wanted.

Today in history

Today is a big day in our home. Today my baby twins enter the double digits. My little girls turn 10! They were so excited last night they couldn't sleep. Remember when you used to look forward to birthdays instead of hiding from them? Me either. I guess that is part of old age.

My angels have certainly come along way. When they were born, they were 2 months early. They weighed 3lbs 5 oz and 3 lbs 7oz. They were so tiny. We couldn't even hold them for a month after they were born because they were so tiny and delicate.

So Happy Birthday my babies!

While we are talking about birthdays, skip on over to see.Melissa and her new baby boy Xander. What a cutie. He is a heartbreaker in the making

Monday Funnies

Cops Say the Darndest Things! #16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here!

HAPPY FUCK YOU, FRIDAY

The Difference Between Men and Women

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.

And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Fred," Martha says aloud.

"What?" says Fred, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Fred.

"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Fred.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.

"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says. (There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Fred.

"That way about time," says Martha.

"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Fred," she says.

"Thank you," says Fred.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"

And that's the difference between men and women.

I got this sent to me in an email. Ain't it the truth?

Have a great long weekend and Happy FUCK YOU, FRIDAY!

I am in kid tv hell

This one is for Al

This is my favorite Simpsons episode. It makes me laugh every time I see it. Since Al is not a big fan of the Simpson clan, I thought I might try to swing him over to the other side by posting my fav.

,/p> May I suggest you post your own favorite Simpson episode, then tell Al to come and watch.

Sorry Al I won't be happy until you declare yourself a fan!

It's Okay, I'm Back..... or maybe it's not

No I have not fallen off the face of the earth. When I find out how to do that though, I can't make any promises of not jumping....

Well my little gang of three whole reader, I have been kidnapped for a while. It was totally unexpected. Aren't kidnappings always unexpected?

It started out like any other ordinary day. I plunked my ample ass into the computer chair and logged onto the computer for my daily two minutes of " Don't bug Mom she is reading her emails. I will be off in a minute. Don't bleed on the good towels" time. That is when I made the deadly mistake. I opened a seemingly innocent email from a friend of mine. Enclosed in this little message was an invitation. Woo Hoo an invitation. I never get invited anywhere anymore. Unless you count those online chat rooms that offer to improve my sex life. But I digress.

There it was, the beginning of my disappearance. Yes, it was an invitation to........

FACEBOOK!!

YES, I have been seduced by the dark side. I have been cheating on my bloggin buddies by stalking Facebook. I have found all kinds of people I never thought I would hear of again. I found a friend of mine I haven't seen since my high school grad. He is teaching in South Korea. I also found another friend from high school. We had a great talk. We never hooked up in high school but I always thought there was a spark there. Turns out I was right. However, he was intimidated by little ole me. Hard to believe.

Quite a boost to the ego. However it is a little sad to think of the lost opportunites and wasted time.

Never fear, I am back though. I wouldn't neglect you all for too long. If you want to move over to the dark side too, let me know and I will let you know how to find me on Facebook and we can be friends too!

REST IN PEACE

On Saturday, John Bowie Ferguson passed away from cancer.

He may not have lived in Winnipeg for a long time but he still lived in the hearts of many of us. With out Fergie, Winnipeg may never have had an NHL team. It was thanks to him that we did.

John Ferguson was beyond a legend. His temper,talent and compassion were legendary. He made this city. I heard a quote about him this week. He may have played for Montreal, but he bled Jet Blue. I hope he knew how much this city loved him. He will forever be in our hearts. He will always be rememembered as in integeral part of the Winnipeg Jets. He WAS the heart of the team.

Rest in peace.

What ever happened to polite society?

Last night, I caught the end of a news report. It made me stop and think for a minute. Do you remember when female teachers always wore dresses and high heels.. even for track and field day? Male teachers were always in a suit and tie? And if television commericials are accurate, women washed their floors and homes in dresses and high heels. (What do you mean tv is not reality? It is in my world) In this news report there was a bank robbery. The suspect was a female wearing pyjama pants. Oh how far we have fallen. I found it really funny. I wonder what went through her head. "Oh, I am going to rob a bank today but I don't feel like getting dressed to do it" It just struck me as funny, we even rob banks in our pjs now.

I am happily throwing out all of my clothes now. I will from this day forward, live in my pjs. Comfy or what. Since it is Friday, I think I will get a head start on that plan now.

Of course it is friday so I will offer you this little Fuck you Friday picture.

Blogging for Bling

OOOOH I want these!!!

My kids keep stealing my ear buds. If I had these, I would only have to fight one person in the house for them. Face it, my son would rather go musicless (is that a word?) than be caught dead wearing these!

Check 'em outCheck 'em out for yourself.

Melisa Etherage wrote a song for the event asking where had the American spirit gone, the spirit that questions injustice, that exercises its freedom, have they become too busy to care?

I stole this line from JQ. Sorry JQ. I stole it because this line really speaks to me. Maybe not in the way it ws originally intended but still....

Sometimes I wonder where my spirit went too. I remember when I was idealistic and was going to change the world. When did that change? When did I become jaded? When did I stop caring about the world around me? Maybe it is because I have just gotten older. I have children and responsibilities. Or maybe that is just a cop out. I always read the post of my pals PropagandhiI grew up with two of the members. We are the same age (give or take a few months), They went to university, got an education and still kept their spirit. They care about the world around them. When they see injustice, they fight for it. I shake my head and tsk tsk isn't that too bad, and move on. When did I become what I used to hate? What happened to my spirit?

THE SCIENCE LESSON AKA THE STORY OF MY LIFE

Science Lesson

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

The story of my life. My kids always get maid and mom mixed up

WHEN i SAY THINGS ARE SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL, I AM NOT KIDDING

This twister happened on Friday. As it turned out, I had taken my kids to the batting cages about 10 miles from there. They weren't worried, but I was. I had to bribe them to leave. Ice cream works wonders.

In case you were wondering, we are all safe. There were no fatalities, but, I believe, there were four houses destroyed.

IT'S FRIDAY AGAIN

Yes my fellow readers (all two of you), it is that time of the week again. The time when I get to vent my spleen and hope I feel better about it.

Yup, it is FUCK YOU, FRIDAY !

I have a few things I would like to give the one finger salute to. Right now we are in the middle of a 10 day stretch of baseball. Baseball foe at least one kid every day for 10 days. Then we get one day off and we start again. The playoffs start this weekend, then the city championship, followed by the provincials. Don't forget about the practices and the make up games for the games that were rained out. I am not playing but frankly, I am exhausted.

My daughters were to go to Denver this summer with this girl's club they had joined. They were looking forward to it, now they have changed their minds. I am okay with this cuz I really can't afford the trip. However, the leader of this group is royally pissed off at me. I warned her last week that the girls were starting to change their minds and maybe she should try to build it up as a trip full of fun. I guess she forgot about our conversation. Plus if my girls don't go, two other girls don't want to go. I can understand the leader's frustration but I will not force my 9 year old girls to go to another country with people they are not comfortable with to do something they really don't need or want to do. This morning the leader pretty much hung up on me. She is so angry with me because the girls don't want to go. I told her I would talk to them again and see if I can convince them to go, but the girls are pretty positive they do not want to go.

I was supposed to start a new course this week. SUPPOSED TO were the key words in that sentence. The class was to begin on Tuesday night. Tuesday afternoon, I got the call that the course has been cancelled AGAIN! This is the third time. I am starting to get really pissed off here. They told me I can switch to distance education if I wanted to. That is basically correspondense courses. Hello! School is out in one week. When would I ever find t he quiet time to do the work. Not going to happen. When I called them and told them I wanted my money back because I was not doing distance ed, they lady on the phone was royally ticked at me. Hey lady, you guys cancelled the course THREE TIMES not me.

,/P> One week left of school and the rugrats are out. Yesterday, I asked the only mom I hadn't heard from yet, when her holidays were so I can plan my summer and the activities for the kids. She then informed me that she wouldn't need me this summer. When did she plan on telling me this? Next friday? That is over $1000 of income I was counting on that will not be coming now. How fair is that? If I was a real bitch I would charge her to hold her spot for September. Granted her kids are brats and it will be alot quieter here without them but unexpected drop in income is going to hurt.

In honor of all of these things, I browsed through Photobucket and found this picture that sums up how I am feeling perfectly. Enjoy and have a great weekend. Think of me stuck at baseball.

]

THOSE NAUGHTY PIRATES

INFO FROM THE DOCTOR

Info from the Doctor

A little old woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, "Mount Sinai Hospital? Hello. Darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse, I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z."

The voice on the other end of the line said, "Would you hold the line, please, that's a very unusual request?"

Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"

She said, "Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel, in room 302."

He said, "Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Feinberg, Farber - Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news."

The guy on the other end said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family?"

She said, "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel! My doctor don't tell me nothing!"

...ain't it the truth