MERRY CHRISTMAS

Messing With Santa's Head

- Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa"

- Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

- Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

- While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

- Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

- Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

- Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

- Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

- Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmas+es, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's to o late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the c arpet.

Yours Always, MOM...!

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa!!!

THE BIG COUNTDOWN IS ON... Forgive me for not posting. It is almost Christmas and I haven't started baking or my cards. I should be ready by March at the latest. I will be back, just not too freqently. Have a great weekend

My dirty little secret

Okay my lovlies it is confession time. At the risk of never ever hearing from Al again, I must confessed something. Yes, it is repulsive. It might scare you. It might even torture you. You might turn your back on me. I need to clear my conscience though. I hang my head in shame as I admit this. I like this stupid song. I always have. I understand I might be kicked out of heavy metal heavan.. Please forgive my musical sins.

Wannabe Video

Wannabe lyrics - Spice Girls lyrics

Spice Girls Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

Some of the thoughts bouncing around in my head

I must be getting old. I am at that stage in my life when I am reexamining the choices I have made. I made some I would love to go back and change. Some are irreversible, some involve taking a chance, and some are just not to be no matter how hard you try to change things.

I had a visitor today. It was someone I hadn't seen in almost 28 years. The choices I have made in my life, took us down different paths. Yet when we were together, it all clicked. I remember reading a story once. The main character lived on a reserve. In this culture, it was assumed you would get together with a certain someone from your childhood. If you moved away from this, it was a big scandal. Especially if you brought back a stranger. When I first read it I thought it was a little strange to know that young that you will be together. How can someone know from the age of 5 or 6 what should be? I got a glimpse of that today. It is the novelty, history, happiness, sadness, and passion and comfort all rolled into one. I am conflicted. Happy but conflicted. I wish I could turn back time and make a different choice. This friend pointed it out to me that I could have chosen a differnt path, but I didn't. If I could turn back time, you can bet I would do things differently.

Looks like I am going to pay for making the wrong decisions. When will I learn?

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth

My appologies faithful readers ( the two of you who are left) I have been very negelectful. Please forgive me.

Nothing overly exciting has been happening here. The girl did have a concussion. She has recovered nicely. The little girl who let the door go, felt so bad. She called twice that night to check on the girl. Then the next day, her mom called to check if all was okay. She told me if I needed anything to call her. What a sweet family. They were afraid we would be angry and not let the girls be friends anymore. If I knew her a little better, I would have told her that trips to the emergency room is nothing new to our family. That sounds bad if you don't know us. The boy's brain scan came back okay. Phew, no cancer but still no explaination as to what is causing his daily headaches.We have monitored his diet, checked his eyes, blood test, CT scans. We are trying meds now and will give it a month to see.

My course is over now. I wrote my exam..aced it. It sucked that I had to write my exam the day after my birthday.Can you guess what I did for my bday? Yup, studied. Do I know how to live it up or what? Final grade A+. Woo hoo! I am off til spring now. The courses they are offering now, I have already taken. I am going to look into taking my refresher CPR and the Working Effectivly with Violent and Aggressive States (WEVAS) course. I don't need it to complete my program but you do need it to get a job. Go figure.

A friend of mine has asked me if I will help her out for the Christmas season at their business. Yes, my lovlies, GG is going to bartend.Considering I have never been behind a bar before this could be entertaining. A martini is the thing James Bond drank right? Shaken not stirred? and what the hell is a blue lightning? I think I might be in over my head.

That is about all that is new here. I will try to post a little more often. Sorry gang.HOpe all is well in your world.

Now post a comment so I know you are all still alive!

Could Noah build his ark today?

If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.

"First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.

"The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.

"Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.

"Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.

"The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.

"And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional.

"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."

Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."

*recieved via email*

Bombers vs Roughriders

WILL BEAT Yup, I called it! Woo Hoo it is official. The Grey Cup will be Winnipeg VS Saskatchewan! From here forward it shall be called "The Banjo Cup Bowl".

GO BOMBERS!!

Warning!! This one is so bad it is funny. Don't say I didn't warn you. Psychic

I am not a believer in séances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear.

I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest...

Wait for it - - - - - -

I was arrested for striking a happy medium...

Insomnia reduces me to a babbling idiot

This is what happens when you have insomnia. You end up looking for really stupid things on YouTube. I must admit, this one had me rolling on the floor. I want these guys to come to my next party.

This video can be offensive so be warned. I will bet you any amount of money that these boys get beat up alot at school. However, all their videos make me laugh.

LEST WE FORGET

It is the VETERAN , not the preacher,

Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN , not the reporter,

Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN , not the poet,

Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN , not the campus organizer,

Who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN , not the lawyer,

Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN , not the politician,

Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the VETERAN ,

Who salutes the Flag,

It is the veteran ,

Who serves under the Flag,

ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.

We can be very proud of our young men and women in the service no matter where they serve.

God Bless them all!!!

Corner Gas.. World's Biggest....

I love Corner Gas. It kills me. This clip is from my all time favorite episode. The Corner Gas website used to sell tshirts saying " World's Biggest Hoe". I am kicking myself I didn't buy one when I first saw them. Enjoy the clip.

Okay gang, Cross your fingers... the boy is going for his brain scan in the morning. I hope he has one.. hee hee

Right now, I am waiting to hear from the hospital. My daughter got hit in the head by a door (I guess it wasn't big enough for her to see). She has a huge bump on her head, she is dizzy, feeling ill, and is a little more out of it than usual. I really hope they don't keep her overnight. However, it would make things easier for me. Spend the night at one hospital and take the tunnels to the other hospital for the boy's brain scan. Convient brain shopping all in one place. Woo Hoo! I will keep you posted.

Well, here I am again. It looks like I won't be posting very much for the next little while. Things have gotten really out of hand here. To save time, I will just hit the highlights

Let's see, I have three papers to write for school. I have completed only one and I am starting to really panic about the other two. I don't have a clue how to even start them. I took my son to the doctor for his headaches and insomnia. He is now scheduled for a brain scan because the doctor can't find anything obviously wrong. No one has actually said the big "C" word, but it is in the back of my mind. I know I shouldn't borrow trouble, but he is my baby and I am worried sick. The doctor also informed me that I have signifigant hearing loss. I am waiting for a hearing test. We will have to wait and see where that leads to. At least now I have proof that I do not have selective hearing.

Since switching schools, my daughter has been much happier. The complete meltdowns she was having had completely disappeared. Until this week. She had one huge one. I am not even sure what brought it on. It just brings back all the horrible feelings of last year. I cannot survive that again. The positive part of it is, it isn't school related this time. I think I have narrowed it down to one boy I look after. He used to be her best friend. Now when he is around, he seems to push her over the edge. He doesn't do it intentionally, it just happens. And not every time either. Ahh the mysteries of the mind of a child.

I can't really put a finger on the one thing that is bothering me so much. It is just alot of little things that are piling up. I am back to feeling like I want to jump out of my skin. I am sitting still, but my insides are running a million miles an hour. I have gone from having insomnia, to sleeping all the time. That makes it a little difficult to get things done. I suppose that is a symptom of depression. I love the doctor's advice. Part of my stress is money worries. Right now, I can't afford the anti anxiety meds. Our insurance ran out, so I have to save the money to get the meds. The doctor wants me to see a therapist. So let me get this straight, I can't afford the meds, I am worried about money, but let's find enough money to spend $75 an hour to tell someone else that. That's practical.

If you have ever experienced depression you will understand. It sort of feels like you are drowning on dry land.

I will try to post something upbeat soon. But if I have disappeared for a little while, you know where I am..... the psych ward. Take care all.

Okay, parenting this day and age is getting harder and harder. When we were kids our main worries were bullies, strangers in cars, and pimples. Today there was a threat written on the bathroom wall of my son's school. It happened too late in the day for parents to be sent a letter. Instead they posted a letter on their webpage and notified the media.

I realize that the threat is probably not a real threat but still. The big question is do you send your kid to school or not. On one hand, I realize that the threat was more than likely made to get the kids out of class. On the other hand, what if...

On the one hand, if I keep him home from school, it will count toward his class absences. On the other hand, how much learning will actually occur?

The notice said all the doors will be locked and there will be a strong police prescence. Do I really want to send my son into that enviroment?

My little girl is terrified something will happen to her brother. No matter what I say, I can't convince her that he will be safe. I am comtemplating keeping him home just to reassure her.

What happened to the good old days. Where you had to worry about your kids smoking, or skipping classses and that was about it. You never had to worry they will get themselves killed.

FUCK YOU! FRIDAY (ONLY IT'S THURSDAY)

I wasn't sure if I would have time to make a post on friday, so instead of depriving you of a Friday post, I have made one early. Have a great weekend!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Here in the Great White North, it is Thanksgiving. Today I give thanks for all my friends and family. Including all my blogger friends.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY! May you all have something to be thankful for. Here, I will share some turkey with you.

SMILE OF THE DAY

Gotta love his honesty! Finally, a pool I can afford.

Now that you have smiled, have a great day!

One Smart Cookie

One day I hope to be as smart as this old lady

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.

Finally he went to the check-out line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."

"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. So, when the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the check-out counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

The clerk replied, "Your mother said that you would pay for her."

Rest in Peace

It has been one year since Giselle left us. I had wanted to get another tattoo in memory of her but I just couldn't swing it. I hope she is at peace. She has left this earth, but she will never leave our hearts.

REST IN PEACE MY FRIEND

Fuck you! Fridays

AAARRRGGGGG!!!

I thought this week would never end. It has been the week from hell. I already vented about Monday. Let me tell you. It didn't get better.

Come with me as we enter the week from hell. For starters, I am still recovering from my near death yesterday. The city is full of construction right now. Every major route in the city has some form of construction. It has made for a travelling nightmare. Yesterday I was travelling back from my Chiro appointment. It is on the other side of the city from me. ( I really should find something closer) I was toodling along in my lane. The lane WITHOUT the construction. When out of the blue, the car beside me thought it would be a good idea to take over my lane. That would be fine except I was beside him at the time. Not ahead, so I could see a signal that he wanted in. Not Behind where he could squeeze in. Nope right beside me. He figured that his lane ended so he should automatically get mine. Hello! Driving here! We were travelling around 80km at the time. When I realized what he was doing, I hit the brakes mighty quick. The car behind me must have seen what was happening because when I stopped, he was stopped a good two car lengths behind me. When we stopped, you could not have put a piece of paper between us. He starts flapping his arms at me. Hello! I was minding my own business in my own lane. Sheesh. It scared me so bad, my knees shook the rest of the way home.

Today was not a wonderful day either. I started my day off with my daughter yelling from her bed she needed help. She was so ill, she couldn't move. She had a major asthma attack on Tuesday. I thought it was better. I kept her home on Wednesday. This morning she came down with the flu. Oh joy. My other daughter is very shy. She did not want to take a taxi by herself to school. I was leary about sending her on the city bus alone too. I asked my husband to drop her off at school. He refused because he had to be at his parents for 7 to help them move. I thought they might understand but nope. My friend was deathly ill yesterday so I didn't want to ask her and my other friends were already at work. So I kept both girls home in the morning. I couldn't drive them because I was looking after too many kids to fit in the car. Since I was at home, I thought I would really clean my room. We have a wasp nest outside of our back door. Lately, they have been getting into my bedroom. I can't figure out how. My husband is deathly allergic to wasp stings so that could be a big problem. The cat was chasing one of these wasps and got tangled up in my curtains. My curtain rod is now in the shape of a U. I knew I had another one somewhere. I eventually found it. While I was at it, I thought it would be a good idea to wash the curtains. Then I thought about caulking around the window to stop the wasps. Except I also couldn't find the caulking gun. AAARrRRRgggg. I was able to borrow one. When I went to hang the new rod, the old hooks didn't fit the new rod. Then the drill was dead. It took me all day to do this little thing. I still haven't had time for a shower. Then I got a call from my friend's son. He was home sick and his mom was chaperoning a field trip. His other sister got sick and needed to be picked up from school. So I loaded my sick child and the three year old into the car and off we went. I just couldn't get anything done. While in the car I was complaining that my sunglasses were dirty. When I took them off to clean them, the lens fell out.

I was exhausted and grumpy at this point. I did not feel like cooking so I ordered a pizza. They told me to pick it up in 30 minutes. Yeah, try an hour. We sat there for 30 minutes waiting. At this point, my son announced that his cell phone had been cut off. I know the bill payment was made, because I dropped it off myself. However, knowing this company it didn't surprise me. They waited over a month to cash my last cheque. However, they didn't cut him off until 6. On a Friday. Yeah good luck getting that fixed anytime soon.

Just to top things off, just as I was pulling into home, the gas light on the car came on. Ooopppss. I kinda forgot all about putting gas in it. I am now officially calling this week over! Have a great weekend y'all.

NEVER MIND THE DOG

I DON'T LIKE MONDAYS

MONDAYS... need I say more?

I don't like Mondays but I hate being disorganized more. Today was a huge disorganized morning. I don't know where I left my mind. To start off, I forgot to write on the calendar that I had one of my extra kids, so I was still in bed when he arrived. Thank God I was awake. Then I went to make lunches and discovered that someone had eaten all the bread. Now I have to get my son to buy his lunch. Thank God he has money. I was going to go to the bank this morning. Then my husband was mad at me because I didn't have any cash to give him to buy smokes. Oh well, you should have asked yesterday when I was out. Then I asked him to take the big car.. affectionately known as "the tank" to work today. I have a chiro appointment on the other side of the city. I hate to drive at the best of times let alone when I have to go through miles of construction and leave my neighborhood. The construction I have to drive through was the scene of a fatal accident on Friday. One construction person was killed and the other one was seriously injured. Now I really panic going through it. To top it off I couldn't find the appointment card for my appointment. I can't remember if it is at 10 or 11. I hate being disorganized!

To continue with my forgetfulness, we then realized that it was garbage day. Nothing like starting your day out by chasing the garbage truck down the backlane in your underwear. It might not be so bad if I had fancy Batman Underoos like Mark, but I don't. At least it wasn't the underwear with the big hole in it.

Then I opened the door to get the paper to discover that my new Halloween broom is missing. It was really cool. It was black and neon orange and had a sign on it that said either " The Witch is in" or " The Witch is out". I love it. I hope it turns up.

I also realized that my children have dentist appointments today. Oh joy. I have an extra child I had forgotten about and didn't make extra arrangements for it. I have to scramble to fix that too.

Now instead of trying to fix all the stupid things I have done (or left undone) this morning, I am blogging. Bad blogger, bad blogger.

I will leave you with this thought for the day...

GRACE KELLY

Grace Kelly Video

Grace Kelly lyrics - Mika lyrics

Mika Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

i want to talk to you

(the last time we talked mr smith you reduced me to tears i promise you it wont happen again)

do i attract you? do i repulse you with my queasy smile? am i too dirty? am i too flirty? do i like what you like? i could be wholesome i could be loathsome i guess im a little bit shy

why dont you like me? why dont you like me? without making me try?

I tried to be like grace kelly(mmm) but all her looks were to sad(uhhh) so i tried a little freddy(MMMM) ive gone identity mad!!

i could be brown i could be blue i could be violet sky i could be hurtful i could be purple i could be anything you like gotta be green gotta be mean gotta be everything more why dont you like me? why dont you like me? why dont you walk out the door?

(getting angry doesn't solve anything)

how can i help it? how can i help it? how can i help what you think?

hello my baby hello my baby

putting my life on the brink why dont you like me? why dont you like me? why dont you like yourself? should i bend over? should i look older? just to be put on the shelf?

i tried to be like grace kelly(mmm) but all her looks were to sad(uhh) [Grace Kelly lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

so i tried a little freddie(MMMM) iv gone identity mad!!

i could be brown i could be blue i could be violet sky i could hurtful i could be purple i could be anything you like gotta be green gotta be mean gotta be everything more

why don't you like me why don't you like me walk out the door!

say what you want to satisfy yourself hey! but you only want,what everybody else says you should want, you want.

i could be brown i could be blue i could be violet sky i could hurtful i could be purple i could be anything you like gotta be green gotta be mean gotta be everything more why don't you like me why don't you like me walk out the door

i could be brown i could be blue i could be violet sky i could hurtful i could be purple i could be anything you like gotta be green gotta be mean gotta be everything more why don't you like me why don't you like me walk out the door ooo000o0o0o0ooooahh humphrey we're leaving! kachinga!

I think the song pretty much says it all.

SEPTEMBER 11

SEPTEMBER 11

Need I say more? Please take a minute today and remember.

SIGH

I get so tired of this. I am sure you are tired of reading it too but here is another bitch.

I have been treasurer of the school Parent Council for two years now. I thought I was done. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. The Auditor wanted the books in June. We had lots of cheques we had to send out in June and it was a pain to get the books into her in June but we did it. She had the books all summer. She only started looking at them last week. So what the hell was the rush to get them in? Now this woman is making my life hell. She is nitpicking things and it is starting to piss me off. She forgets I am not an accountant. I don't have training. I don't get paid. I am a stupid volunteer. I did the best job I could. To call me up and give me hell because I didn't attach the reciepts the way you liked or I did it in pencil (cuz I make alot of mistakes. Remember, I am not an accountant), or I didn't give out reciepts to all the children who purchased penny candy from the canteen is getting a little overboard. Give me a break! If you want it done professionally, HIRE AN ACCOUNTANT! Then she wanted to know why I didn't include the June bank statement. Let's see. It could be because the statements are sent to the school and the school is closed in July and August. Then when I went to pick it up, the school had let a past president of the council take it. Never mind this person hasn't had a child in the school for two years and has no business taking it. Now I am on the hook for it. Plus she wanted to know why I didn't do a financial statement for June. Hello! You had my books. How was I supposed to do it? This woman is going to drive me to drink! More!

Then I have this parent I used to babysit for. In June she backed out on me for the summer with no notice. I should have charged her for it but I didn't. Then she called me and left me a message the week before school started telling me her sister in law VOLUNTEERED to take her boys so she wouldn't need me. Fine. But give me some notice. This did not just occur one morning. Today I got a call from a friend of mine. She wanted to know how much I would charge to take two kids before and after school and what I would charge for the full day. I told her my rates. They are the same for all my kids. Then she proceeded to tell me she was talking to the sister in law of this woman, and my friend was told that the mother pulled her kids from me because I was overcharging her. She said I was charging $50 per day for before and after school. Are you kidding me? I don't even charge half of that! I am so angry I could blow any second! This is the rumour now. Do you really think I will get any more kids if people think I charge that much? I am so angry at this woman. How could she tell such awful lies? What the hell did I ever do to her?

Some days it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the restraints. I am going to unplug the phone and go back to bed for a week!

Hope your week started out better!

LIFE OF A REDNECK

>> HI - Welcome to Manitoba

>> >> Thank you for visiting our beautiful province. >>

>> Here are a few things you ought to know to make your stay more pleasant: >>

>> 1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work >> before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym. >>

>> 2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're >> going to get dust on your BMW. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it. >> Now drive or get it out of the way. >>

>> >> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine-years-old. Yeah, >> we saw Bambi die. We got over it. >>

>> >> 4. Any references to "grain fed" when talking about our women will get >> your butt kicked...by our women. >>

>> >> 5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot. >>

>> >> 6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their >> final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to >> your ear at the time. >> >>

>> 7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order >> it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds >> of ham and turkey. >>

>> >> 8. Yeah, we have sweetened ice tea. It comes sweetened, you don't need a >> glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon. >> >>

>> 9. You bring Coke into my house you should bring rye along, and ice. >>

>> 10. So you have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We >> have quarter-million-dollar combines that we use two weeks a year. >>

>> >> 11. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town, but we >> stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. >> >>

>> 12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, >> you're a feminist. Isn't that cute. >> >>

>> 13. Yeah, we eat trout, northern pike, walleye and perch, too. If you >> really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop. >> >>

>> 14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. >> Don't like it? Highways #1 and #16 go two ways - get on one of them. The >> more people that leave, the better the hunting & fishing. >> >>

>> 15. So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being >> friendly. Understand the concept? >> >>

>> 16. Yeah, we have golf courses, more per person than anywhere else on >> earth. Don't hit into the water hazards. It spooks the fish. And stay >> out of the woods, that spooks the deer. Please enjoy your stay. >>

Ahh the life of a Prairie Redneck. God Bless us all.Turns out, great minds think alike. Check out Lord of the Ididots for his perspective on the American Redneck.

SUMMER HOLIDAYS

Well my lovlies, it is finally my summer holidays. I have been on holidays for almost two weeks now. It hasn't felt like a holiday. My kids have had soo many kids sleep over and I have spent almost every waking hour at the skate park with the kids. So much for holidays away from taking care of children. Now it is time for my annual trip. I get a whole three days away from my family, home and life. Woo Hoo!

As my farewell gift to you, I will show you a boob picture.

Now that I got you excited, I will explain the story. When you spent time babysitting preadolescent boys, you get a whole new education. One day the boys asked if I would take them to the "Boob Park". After I spit my coffee out I asked them what they were talking about. The said they wanted me to take them to the "Boob Park " by 7-11. I knew what park they were asking about but I had no idea why they called it that. They informed me that the merry - go - round looked like a boob. I have been taking kids to this park for years. Until that day, I had never noticed. Damn if they weren't right.

So without further ado, I offer you ........ 'THE BOOB PARK'.

Thursday

He's My hero!

The Mysteries of the mind

I have been dreaming about her again. My nights have not been restful. In my dreams, I am trying to contact her. I am trying to reach her. I sense she is trouble. I am trying to get to her but I never do. I wonder if subconscoiusly I know the anniversary of her death is nearing. I didn't dream of her when she died. But she haunts my dreams now.

It isn't like it was the first time someone close to me passed on. Maybe it is because she was my first friend to pass on that haunts me so much. She was so young. So full of life. She had so much to accomplish. She didn't get a chance to adopt her baby.

It frustrates me that I cannot fix this. I can't bring her back. Instead she haunts my dreams. If only I could actually contact her in my dream. Then maybe the dreams will stop. Maybe they will stop after the anniversary of her death passes. Of course then it would have been her birthday. Two events so close together. I feel like I am losing my mind. Maybe she is trying to tell me something. Something I can't quite grasp. Who knows. Maybe she is telling me that I will be joining her soon. I wish I knew.

Shakespeare said.. " to sleep, perchance to dream" For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, /When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, /Must give us pause.

Maybe Shakespeare really understood. I wish I did.

FUCK YOU FRIDAY

It is that time of week again. I guess I disappointed a reader/fan last week because I had no post. Not to worry. I have a great big one this week.

Where to start?

Let's start with the computer itself. It crashed this week. Or at least I thought it crashed. I was so upset. I had not saved to disc any of the emails I had from my friend who had passed away. I was so upset to think that I had lost them. Fortunetly, I didn;t loose them. You can bet they are saved to disc now! Since it has been so hot and we don't have central air, we use window air conditioners. For whatever reason, this summer it seemed to sometimes overload the circuits and blow a fuse. It turns out that all of those blown fuses scrambled the computer because it was not shut down properly. All was saved. Whew

My holidays have started now. You would think that would make me happy. Nope. I hate sounding whiny, but here goes. I did not get paid. Two families owe me money and neither one paid me. Of course they are both on holidays now too. I can't reach them. They have left. Great. I was supposed to go away for a few days the last week in August. Not going to happen now. First off, I don't have the extra money since I didn't get paid. Plus in the mail this week, I recieved a number of unexpected bills. The kids registration for bowling is due that week plus student fees for the boy plus the boy talked too much on his cell phone so I have a huge bill. Yes he will pay for it, he is working to pay it off, but for now, I have to pay it. Then the bowling registration, timetable pickup and calling to arrange teacher meetings all take place the week I wanted to go away. Since their father will not do any of it, it looks like the vaction is off. I am not a happy camper.

There you have it , my Fuck You this week, is sent out to disappointment. Have a good weekend y'all. Happy Fuck you Friday.

I AM WANTED!! HOORAY!!!

guttergirl358.blogspot.com

WANTED FOR THE TRICKY LICKING of a GRACEFUL VENDING MACHINE

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I stole this from Mackey. Now a days it is just nice to be wanted.

Today in history

Today is a big day in our home. Today my baby twins enter the double digits. My little girls turn 10! They were so excited last night they couldn't sleep. Remember when you used to look forward to birthdays instead of hiding from them? Me either. I guess that is part of old age.

My angels have certainly come along way. When they were born, they were 2 months early. They weighed 3lbs 5 oz and 3 lbs 7oz. They were so tiny. We couldn't even hold them for a month after they were born because they were so tiny and delicate.

So Happy Birthday my babies!

While we are talking about birthdays, skip on over to see.Melissa and her new baby boy Xander. What a cutie. He is a heartbreaker in the making

Monday Funnies

Cops Say the Darndest Things! #16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here!

HAPPY FUCK YOU, FRIDAY

The Difference Between Men and Women

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.

And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Fred," Martha says aloud.

"What?" says Fred, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Fred.

"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Fred.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.

"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says. (There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Fred.

"That way about time," says Martha.

"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Fred," she says.

"Thank you," says Fred.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"

And that's the difference between men and women.

I got this sent to me in an email. Ain't it the truth?

Have a great long weekend and Happy FUCK YOU, FRIDAY!

I am in kid tv hell

This one is for Al

This is my favorite Simpsons episode. It makes me laugh every time I see it. Since Al is not a big fan of the Simpson clan, I thought I might try to swing him over to the other side by posting my fav.

,/p> May I suggest you post your own favorite Simpson episode, then tell Al to come and watch.

Sorry Al I won't be happy until you declare yourself a fan!

It's Okay, I'm Back..... or maybe it's not

No I have not fallen off the face of the earth. When I find out how to do that though, I can't make any promises of not jumping....

Well my little gang of three whole reader, I have been kidnapped for a while. It was totally unexpected. Aren't kidnappings always unexpected?

It started out like any other ordinary day. I plunked my ample ass into the computer chair and logged onto the computer for my daily two minutes of " Don't bug Mom she is reading her emails. I will be off in a minute. Don't bleed on the good towels" time. That is when I made the deadly mistake. I opened a seemingly innocent email from a friend of mine. Enclosed in this little message was an invitation. Woo Hoo an invitation. I never get invited anywhere anymore. Unless you count those online chat rooms that offer to improve my sex life. But I digress.

There it was, the beginning of my disappearance. Yes, it was an invitation to........

FACEBOOK!!

YES, I have been seduced by the dark side. I have been cheating on my bloggin buddies by stalking Facebook. I have found all kinds of people I never thought I would hear of again. I found a friend of mine I haven't seen since my high school grad. He is teaching in South Korea. I also found another friend from high school. We had a great talk. We never hooked up in high school but I always thought there was a spark there. Turns out I was right. However, he was intimidated by little ole me. Hard to believe.

Quite a boost to the ego. However it is a little sad to think of the lost opportunites and wasted time.

Never fear, I am back though. I wouldn't neglect you all for too long. If you want to move over to the dark side too, let me know and I will let you know how to find me on Facebook and we can be friends too!

REST IN PEACE

On Saturday, John Bowie Ferguson passed away from cancer.

He may not have lived in Winnipeg for a long time but he still lived in the hearts of many of us. With out Fergie, Winnipeg may never have had an NHL team. It was thanks to him that we did.

John Ferguson was beyond a legend. His temper,talent and compassion were legendary. He made this city. I heard a quote about him this week. He may have played for Montreal, but he bled Jet Blue. I hope he knew how much this city loved him. He will forever be in our hearts. He will always be rememembered as in integeral part of the Winnipeg Jets. He WAS the heart of the team.

Rest in peace.

What ever happened to polite society?

Last night, I caught the end of a news report. It made me stop and think for a minute. Do you remember when female teachers always wore dresses and high heels.. even for track and field day? Male teachers were always in a suit and tie? And if television commericials are accurate, women washed their floors and homes in dresses and high heels. (What do you mean tv is not reality? It is in my world) In this news report there was a bank robbery. The suspect was a female wearing pyjama pants. Oh how far we have fallen. I found it really funny. I wonder what went through her head. "Oh, I am going to rob a bank today but I don't feel like getting dressed to do it" It just struck me as funny, we even rob banks in our pjs now.

I am happily throwing out all of my clothes now. I will from this day forward, live in my pjs. Comfy or what. Since it is Friday, I think I will get a head start on that plan now.

Of course it is friday so I will offer you this little Fuck you Friday picture.

Blogging for Bling

OOOOH I want these!!!

My kids keep stealing my ear buds. If I had these, I would only have to fight one person in the house for them. Face it, my son would rather go musicless (is that a word?) than be caught dead wearing these!

Check 'em outCheck 'em out for yourself.

Melisa Etherage wrote a song for the event asking where had the American spirit gone, the spirit that questions injustice, that exercises its freedom, have they become too busy to care?

I stole this line from JQ. Sorry JQ. I stole it because this line really speaks to me. Maybe not in the way it ws originally intended but still....

Sometimes I wonder where my spirit went too. I remember when I was idealistic and was going to change the world. When did that change? When did I become jaded? When did I stop caring about the world around me? Maybe it is because I have just gotten older. I have children and responsibilities. Or maybe that is just a cop out. I always read the post of my pals PropagandhiI grew up with two of the members. We are the same age (give or take a few months), They went to university, got an education and still kept their spirit. They care about the world around them. When they see injustice, they fight for it. I shake my head and tsk tsk isn't that too bad, and move on. When did I become what I used to hate? What happened to my spirit?

THE SCIENCE LESSON AKA THE STORY OF MY LIFE

Science Lesson

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

The story of my life. My kids always get maid and mom mixed up

WHEN i SAY THINGS ARE SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL, I AM NOT KIDDING

This twister happened on Friday. As it turned out, I had taken my kids to the batting cages about 10 miles from there. They weren't worried, but I was. I had to bribe them to leave. Ice cream works wonders.

In case you were wondering, we are all safe. There were no fatalities, but, I believe, there were four houses destroyed.

IT'S FRIDAY AGAIN

Yes my fellow readers (all two of you), it is that time of the week again. The time when I get to vent my spleen and hope I feel better about it.

Yup, it is FUCK YOU, FRIDAY !

I have a few things I would like to give the one finger salute to. Right now we are in the middle of a 10 day stretch of baseball. Baseball foe at least one kid every day for 10 days. Then we get one day off and we start again. The playoffs start this weekend, then the city championship, followed by the provincials. Don't forget about the practices and the make up games for the games that were rained out. I am not playing but frankly, I am exhausted.

My daughters were to go to Denver this summer with this girl's club they had joined. They were looking forward to it, now they have changed their minds. I am okay with this cuz I really can't afford the trip. However, the leader of this group is royally pissed off at me. I warned her last week that the girls were starting to change their minds and maybe she should try to build it up as a trip full of fun. I guess she forgot about our conversation. Plus if my girls don't go, two other girls don't want to go. I can understand the leader's frustration but I will not force my 9 year old girls to go to another country with people they are not comfortable with to do something they really don't need or want to do. This morning the leader pretty much hung up on me. She is so angry with me because the girls don't want to go. I told her I would talk to them again and see if I can convince them to go, but the girls are pretty positive they do not want to go.

I was supposed to start a new course this week. SUPPOSED TO were the key words in that sentence. The class was to begin on Tuesday night. Tuesday afternoon, I got the call that the course has been cancelled AGAIN! This is the third time. I am starting to get really pissed off here. They told me I can switch to distance education if I wanted to. That is basically correspondense courses. Hello! School is out in one week. When would I ever find t he quiet time to do the work. Not going to happen. When I called them and told them I wanted my money back because I was not doing distance ed, they lady on the phone was royally ticked at me. Hey lady, you guys cancelled the course THREE TIMES not me.

,/P> One week left of school and the rugrats are out. Yesterday, I asked the only mom I hadn't heard from yet, when her holidays were so I can plan my summer and the activities for the kids. She then informed me that she wouldn't need me this summer. When did she plan on telling me this? Next friday? That is over $1000 of income I was counting on that will not be coming now. How fair is that? If I was a real bitch I would charge her to hold her spot for September. Granted her kids are brats and it will be alot quieter here without them but unexpected drop in income is going to hurt.

In honor of all of these things, I browsed through Photobucket and found this picture that sums up how I am feeling perfectly. Enjoy and have a great weekend. Think of me stuck at baseball.

]

THOSE NAUGHTY PIRATES

INFO FROM THE DOCTOR

Info from the Doctor

A little old woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, "Mount Sinai Hospital? Hello. Darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse, I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z."

The voice on the other end of the line said, "Would you hold the line, please, that's a very unusual request?"

Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"

She said, "Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel, in room 302."

He said, "Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Feinberg, Farber - Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news."

The guy on the other end said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family?"

She said, "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel! My doctor don't tell me nothing!"

...ain't it the truth

REFUSING TO BE A MAN

This has to be my favorite Propagahndi songs of all time. I know it can be a little hard to understand, but the message in this song is deep.

Propagandhi Lyrics

Refusing To Be A Man Lyrics

i'm not going to try to tell you that i'm different from all the rest. i've been subject to the same de-structure of desire and i've felt the same effects; i'm a hetero-sexist tragedy. and potential rapists all are we. but don't tell me this is natural. this is nurturing. and there's a difference between sexism and sexuality. i had different desires prior to my role-remodelling. and at six years of age you don't challenge their claims. you become the same. (or withdraw from the game and hang your head in shame). i think that's exactly what i did. i tried to sever the connections between me and them. i fought against their further attempts to convince a kid that birthright can bestow the power to yield the subordination of women and do you know what patricentricity means? i found out just a couple of days ago. it means male values uber alles and hey! whaddaya know... sex has been distorted and vilified. i'm scared of my attraction to body types. if everything desired is objectified then eroticism needs to be redefined. and i refuse to be a "man". dead men don't rape. a gender war in your fucking face. a battle hymn to celebrate the fact that we don't have to become or remain what we've come to hate...

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs Video

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs lyrics - Fall Out Boy lyrics

Fall Out Boy Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

FUCK YOU! FRIDAYS

Good Morning to all. It has been a busy, yucky week. I have had a killer headache all week. I think it might have something to do with the fact that it was election time in the province. Nothing much changed. What a waste of my tax dollars. I think only two seats changed. I admit I was disappointed in the result. In my opinion, the NDP government is trying to close our local hospital. I believe we are down to two emergency room doctors. God help you if you need to go to the emerg. Who knows how long you have to wait while bleeding profusely from a vital organ. Our local representative has not said word one to protect our hospital. I could scream that no one has taken a stand about it. I was disappointed that our MLA was re elected by a landslide. I guess rotten health care doesn't bother the voter. AAARRRGGGG!

When I was searching for a great picture for Fuck You Friday, I came across this gem. I think this is how older people will feel when our hospital is closed. In honor of Fuck you Friday, the league of pissed off old women and I, we offer our opinion of sub standard health care.(and no I am not in the picture)

If you have a minute, please head on over to see my pal Canadian Sentinel. Wish his Dad a speedy recovery. They have both had a rough week.

Now have a great weekend. To start you off right here is something you can comfort yourself with. At least you don't live here. It was fucking snowing here this morning. It is almost June. What happened to Global Warming?

SIGN IN THE STORE WINDOW

I got this one sent to me via email from a friend. I am sorry there was no picture to go along with it.

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW

"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1,000 AL-QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE CANADIAN"!

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Vancouver. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. One would think that anti-hate groups from all across the country would be marching on this business .... and that the RCMP might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back. But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors simply make their statement. We are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. And after all, it is just a sign. You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign?

Answer:

A Funeral Home

(Who said morticians had no sense of humour?)

You gotta love it!!! God Bless Canada!

MORE DEEP THOUGHTS

- In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

(And my feet are cold all year round)

- Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

(Like this question?)

- Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

(Simple, young men where their pants so low they hang around at their ankles. Old men would fall and break a hip if they did that)

- Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened?

(I wouldn't know. I am still too young. I am also still in deep denial)

- If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex?

(This is obvious isn't it?)

- Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

(Why are we only generous at holiday time? What does Scrooge do the rest of the year?)

- Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch,' but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

(This is why Women have babies and men don't)

- How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

(Simply put, I like my father in law)

- Why do men forget everything and women remember everything?

( Like how to fill an ice cube tray)

- Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

(What is Canadian food?)

- Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things right?

(Women remember their biggest mistake every time their husband makes another mistake.)

- Is the real reason women live longer then men because they don't have to live with women?

(The real reason is that all that dishwashing over the years has built up an amazing amount of defense against disease that would kill the a man)

- If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?

(Well duh)

DEEP THOUGHTS

- Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

(In my house it does)

- Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

(and when your done, the water is always black)

- Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

(The day I want to buy one)

- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

(I live with a teenage boy. I am making sure there still is a fridge left)

- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

(Gee, it isn't like Cheerios. Those you can just squish with your shoe to make them easier to vacuum)

- How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

(Better question? How do the they get out?)

- Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?

(See first explaination)

- Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

(That would reduce the amount of dirty laundry I would have)

- When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'It's all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?'

( You don't say it is all right when they run into you with a car. What is the difference with a cart. I had a woman run over my already broken toe with her cart once)

- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

(People actually try to catch the falling item? I am usually running for a towel to clean up either the blood or the liquid that will inevitably be spilt)

- Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

(They don't call us White Trash for nothing)

FUCK YOU ! FRIDAYS

WARNING!!! BITCH SPASMS MAY OCCUR!!!! UH OH, HERE COMES ONE NOW!!

I am so fricking miserable today. I am pissed at the world. No one in this house will lift a gd finger to help around here. I am so fed up. The kids are suppossed to do the dishes every night. I don't think they have done them in three weeks. Granted we are busy on baseball nights, and I will do them those nights but the rest of the nights there is no excuse. All I hear is " it's not my night" . I know I should be pushing them to do it anyway but I am so tired of nagging everyone to do things. We have those ridiculous European cabniets in the kitchen. I hate them. The screws always come loose and then the door falls off. Yesterday, the door fell off one of the higher ones. Being a vertically challenged person, putting the door back on by myself is difficult. I asked the adult male in this house to help me. He didn't have time before baseball and after was "too tired". I complained this morning and I was told it is not that hard, you can do it yourself. FUCK OFF!

My daughters belong to this stupid girls club. It is a service group an aquantance of mine runs. I let the girls join as a favor to her. Had I known what I was getting into, I wouldn't have. It is costing me an arm and a leg. Every time I turn around, they need more money for something else. They are always fundraising. Last night I get a call, they have been volunteered to help with " Take Pride Winnipeg". Basically, I have to get up early Saturday drive them across the city so we can pick up garbage for two fucking hours, then drive them home. Just how I want to spend my Saturday. Plus as a bonus, we meet just after my favorite intersection. It is affectionately called " Confusion Corner". I hate driving at the best of times. I REALLY hate driving at that end of the city.

Then my daughter has a ball practice on sunday at six. Yes we have a ball practice on Mother's Day. The adult male in the house is already complaining about it. Guess what that means? Yup, it will mean I get to take her to it. Oh joy. Not only do I get to nag my son to pack for the camp he leaves for on Monday at 8, cook, do the laundry, and clean, I now get to add ball practice to it. I really want to sit there on Mother's day and listen to one parent tell me that my daughter sucks at baseball and his wife tell all of us what patterns she likes to shave her body hair in. Oh yes, can you picture a better Mother's day. How lucky am I .

Next bitch... My sister in laws birthday was last Saturday. I am the one who buys her present, wraps it, and drops it off at her house. Do I ever get a thank you? NOpe. Sometimes she will phone her brother at work and thank him for buying his sister a wonderful present. Then she will call her other sister and tell her all about the present HER BROTHER bought for her. Once, my other sister in law pointed out to her that it was me who does it. She argued with her. Whatever. Anyway, I get a little pissed off and really don't want to take the time to buy her presents anymore. This year she is running in the weekend to end Breast Cancer. A noble cause of course. However, I am getting calls and letters from her and her parents telling me to give her money for this. They even sent a letter to my parents asking for money. I don't have two nickels to rub together right now. Car insurance, mortagage, property taxes, fees for camp, and car payments are all this month. Sure I have extra money laying around. Anyway, for her birthday, I bought her a card and wrote her a cheque for her race. We didn't even get a thank you. Now I am really pissed. Next year, I am not even sending a card. If h er brother wants to remember her birthday, he can. I am not.

Basically, I am stressed and grouchy. Then I read things that other people are going through and I feel so selfish. Please take some time and go see Melissa and give her your good thoughts. Her husband leaves on Saturday, and will miss the birth of their child. She has alot on her plate and could use your good wishes.

I think my bitch spasms have ended for today. Thanks for tuning in. Have a great Fuck You! Friday and let us know if you played along.